"I guess bad news travels fast," said Travis.
"I'm calling because I'd like to help," said Delilah.
"That's nice of you," he said. "I don't think there's anything you can
do, but I promise I'll pay you back your $5,000. It may take a while, but
eventually I'll return every cent that you and all my friends invested."
"That's a great goal, Travis," she said. "I knew you wouldn't let this
get you down. After you lick your wounds and wait for the economy to get
better, your next venture is going to be a huge success."
"There isn't going to be a next venture, Delilah," he said.
"What do you mean?" she said.
"I'm going home," he said. "I'll live with my parents for a while and
look for work. Rent is cheap in the mountains, and I'm sure I'll be able
to move out of their house after I find a job. But I'm not coming back.
This town has beaten me up, and I can't wait to get it into my rearview
mirror."
"What are you talking about?" she said. "You told me how desperate you
were to escape from your hometown. You said you felt like you were choking
to death there. How can you go back?"
"I found out there were worse places," he said.
"Do I have anything to do with this?" she said.
"It's a lot more than that, Delilah," he said. "Don't blame yourself.
You didn't cause my financial problems. You are more like a symbol."
"What does that mean?" she said.
"What happened with you was one of the things that showed me I'm not cut
out for this life," he said. "I thought I couldn't take the narrow-minded
people back home. But that was before I met broad-minded, sophisticated
city people. Back home, I felt like a hundred little knives were being
stuck into me. But here, people rip your guts and your heart right out of
your body."
"But you're not a Southern country hick," said Delilah, "even though you
sound like one. I know people look down on you when they first meet you --
like I did. But once they get to know you, it's different. Didn't you
once tell me your friends here are the greatest people you've ever known,
and you would do anything for them and were sure they would do anything for
you. Have you changed your mind?"
"No," said Travis. "You're right. My friends are wonderful. They're
all trying to keep me here. It's not the friends that have worn me out.
It's the people who grind people like me into dust without even knowing us.
Listen, I'm not making excuses. I made all the decisions that brought me
where I am, and I'm the one deciding to get away from all this."
"Is God telling you to do this?" she said.
"Of course not," he said. "If you think that, then you still don't know
anything about Christianity, Delilah."
"Maybe you think God is punishing you," she said.
"That's just as stupid," he said. "I guess you haven't changed much
since I last saw you. It's hard to believe it's been almost two years."
"I'm not really angry about your religion anymore," she said. "I've
thought a lot about us since we split. Now I realize that everyone,
including me, has irrational superstitions. I'm sorry about how it ended,
and I hope you believe me that I feel terrible about what's happening to
you."
"Thank you, Delilah," he said. "I forgave you a long time ago, and I
pray for you all the time because I know that deep down, you are a good
person. I hope you'll forgive me some day, too, for some of the unkind
things I said to you."
"I knew you were going to say that," she said. "You haven't changed at
all. I could explain to you why you didn't do anything wrong, but it
doesn't matter now."
"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" he said.
"Forget it," she said. "Let's just say that I forgive you for whatever
you think you did to me."
"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "That means a lot to me."
"I wish you well, Travis," she said. "I'm more upset about your going
back home than about your bankruptcy. I hope you'll think about this some
more. If all your friends think it's the wrong move, maybe you should
listen to them."
"I've thought about it a lot," he said, "but I don't see any other way."
Five minutes after they hung up, the phone rang again.
"Hello," he said.
"It's Delilah," she said. "I've got to see you, Travis, and I won't
take no for an answer. I'm not hanging up until we set up an appointment.
You need to bring a laptop and all your financials."
When they met the next night at the coffee house, she said, "I'm sorry I
was so pushy. I know I'm the last person in the world you want to see, but
after we hung up yesterday, I realized that I called to help, and then I
didn't even try.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to look at all the figures. There's got to
be something I can find that will keep you from ruining your life."
"You're welcome to look," he said. "I've had other people analyzing
this data, but none of them is a partner in the biggest private equity firm
in town. I know if anyone can find something, you can, but I'm afraid
there's nothing to find."
She wasn't listening to him. The screens flashed in front of her face
as she drilled and crunched. Her eyes darted around the monitor as she
scrolled and clicked. For 10 minutes, she didn't say a word, and then she
muttered something softly and looked up.
"I'm sorry," she said as she reached into her purse and pulled something
out of it. "I can't find anything encouraging, but I expected that."
"What are you doing?" he said,
"I'm downloading everything onto this thumb drive and taking it home
with me," she said. "I know you've got only seven days left, so I'll work
on this at home and call you."
"Thanks, Delilah," he said. "You really don't need to do that."
She removed the drive from his laptop and stood up. "I need to go," she
said.
When she didn't call him for two days, he figured she was too
embarrassed to tell him that even her keen mind couldn't find a way out of
his mess. But on the third day, she called.
"I went over the figures again and again," she said, "and I couldn't
find anything wrong with what you did. I would have done things exactly
the same way. You just got unlucky with timing and that supplier that went
under. It's only $15,000, isn't it?"
"Yes," he said quietly. "Isn't that funny? If I can get hold of
$15,000 in the next four days, I can complete the deal that keeps me going
for at least a year. And it looks like in a few months, there will be a
lot more coming in. But if I don't get the $15,000, it all falls apart and
I end up losing $20,000 and going bankrupt."
"I'm sure you tried every possible way to get a loan," she said. "I
tried also, but no deal. I wish I could loan you the money myself, but I'm
broke. It's just temporary, but right now I don't have the collateral to
get you the cash. I feel really bad."
"Don't feel bad, Delilah," said Travis. "I'm touched by what you did.
I'll always remember you. Goodbye." He heard her voice on the phone as he
hung up. He was worried that if the conversation continued, she might
start apologizing to him, and if she did, he might break down, and that
might make her feel worse. He didn't want the last contact he'd ever have
with her to end that way.
The next night, she called him again, but her voice was a lot different.
"You hung up on me yesterday," she said, and she sounded like she was
biting every word.
"I'm sorry, Delilah," he said. "When you told me you felt really bad,
you sounded like you were in pain. I thought it would be better to end the
conversation. I'm glad you sound a lot different today."
"You didn't give me a chance to tell you why I felt really bad," she
said.
"OK, go ahead and tell me," he said politely.
"I feel really bad because I gave you $5,000, and I'll never see it
again," she said. Her voice had an edge of anger.
"But I told you I'd pay you back," he said.
"Great!" she said. "By the time you pay me back, the $5,000 will be
worth half of that."
"I'll be paying you and everyone else interest on your investment," he
said.
"How much interest, Travis?" she said, "2 per cent, 5 per cent, 20 per
cent? I saw all your figures, and you know that if you can get through
this crunch, there's a good chance my investment could be worth $50,000 in
three years. That's what you're cheating me out of." The tone of her voice
was now as mean as her words, he thought. She wasn't the same person who
had asked his forgiveness just a few days ago. He didn't say anything.
"So you're not going to respond," she said. "You've got nothing to say.
You're just going to run away back to your little shack in the mountains
and become one of those inbreeding cretins who go to church on Sunday to
ask their God to forgive their perversions. You think that's going to be
your deliverance?"
Her hateful words stung, but he didn't feel angry at her, just helpless.
"What can I do?" he said.
"You can get the $15,000," she said, "but you won't do it because you're
a hypocrite who's all holier than thou and prays for people on Sunday, but
doesn't mind cheating them out of $50,000 on Monday."
"What are you talking about, Delilah?" he said. "Do you want me to do
something illegal? Or have you come up with some way for me to save my
skin by screwing other people. I won't do it. You know me."
"Yes, I know you," she said. "You know how you can make the $15,000,
and it's not illegal, and it won't hurt anyone except you. But you'll
never do it because you're so godly and so gutless that you'd rather hide
in the hollows and betray the friends who believed in you and gave you
their money."
"All right," he said, "Tell me how you think I can make that much in
three days. That's $5,000 a day."
"There are guys doing that, but you could make it in one day," she said.
"Who are these guys?" he said.
"The ugly overweight men," she said
As they started dating, Delilah began introducing him to her large
circle of girlfriends. Just like her, they made fun of how he talked and
his beliefs. Sometimes their humor was gentle, but they could also get
nasty and condescending. He overheard some of them telling her she was
crazy to encourage him because he was from a different planet than she was
and their relationship couldn't go anywhere.
Almost all of them eventually came around, and once he overheard a
couple of them advising her to grab him and make sure he didn't get away
and wishing they could find someone like him. The only one who never
warmed up to him was Grace.
She was a childhood friend of Delilah's, and they were still as close as
they were in the days of the sleepovers that Grace loved to talk about.
That was before she came out as a freshman in college, and sometimes Travis
wondered what had happened when she and Delilah slept together all through
high school. One time after they had been out with Grace and heard another
sleepover story, Delilah saw him gazing at her nervously and told him that
Grace made it sound like there were a lot more sleepovers than there
actually were. She said that Grace may have been exploring her sexuality
with her, but she was too naive to realize it, and she couldn't recall
doing anything overtly sexual with her.
Travis told her that he thought Grace was courting her and hated him
because he was a rival. Delilah said she knew that, and she was doing her
best to not be together with both of them at the same time, but Grace was
still one of her oldest and dearest friends.
Delilah wasn't religious, but Travis didn't mind. He told her once that
even though he worried about her soul, what was most important to him was
how she lived her life. The fact that she had made it to the top and
remained honest, ethical, moral and compassionate showed him that she
treated people as if they were created in God's image, even if she didn't
believe in God and sometimes mocked Travis for being a believer.
He especially admired her for the way she talked about her parents. She
really looked up to them and was always doing things for them. He only met
them once, and they didn't like him. They were nasty and condescending.
He was ready to try to change their minds, but she was embarrassed, and
after that, she didn't talk about them to him anymore. He told her once
that the fact that she honored them meant a lot more to him than what they
thought of him.
Grace didn't hate only him. She hated all men, and when the three of
them were together, she took pains to tell Delilah stories about men they
both knew or famous male celebrities who had been caught cheating or having
perverted sex. She also liked to bring up news stories about child
molesters, and if they were priests or ministers, that made her day,
because she could combine her hatred of religion with her hatred of men.
She would talk to Delilah about all this while staring at Travis. He saw
that her goal was to convince Delilah that all men were disgusting and that
Travis was, too, or at least he would be if given the chance. Travis was
sickened by her talk, but he never responded to her. He just tried to
avoid her.
Later, he blamed himself for not noticing when things began to change
and Delilah also began speaking coarsely and disparagingly about men in
general. A couple of times, after she had said things out loud in company,
he told her that what she said made him embarrassed for her because of the
way people looked at her. She told him he was imagining things. He told
her he noticed that some of her friends were keeping away from her. She
denied it and made excuses for why she didn't see them. He asked her if
she talked about him that way when he wasn't around, and she swore she
never had and never would. He told her he believed her.
They were with Grace at a noisy restaurant one night, and the two of
them were having a conversation that was obviously amusing both of them on
the other side of the small round table. They were leaning over and saying
things to each other and then cracking up in laughter. He couldn't hear
them, and they apparently wanted it that way, but there were occasional
quiet moments between songs on the speakers and conversations at nearby
tables, and he picked up a few snatches of their conversation. He didn't
understand what he heard, but it sounded disgusting.
He was quiet in the car on the way home, but when they were getting
undressed for bed, he felt he had to speak. "What were you and Grace
talking about tonight?" he said.
"Oh, you wouldn't be interested," said Delilah. "Just forget about her.
I'm in a really good mood, and I want to get you in the same mood so let's
hurry up and get to bed."
But he wouldn't let her change the subject. He mentioned some of the
things he had overheard that disturbed him and kept pressing her. Finally,
she got exasperated.
"You just won't let it go, will you?" she said. "All right, I'll tell
you, but you'll be sorry, because you'll want to wash out your ears, and
tomorrow you'll have to pray extra hard to God, so he will forgive you.
"We were talking about Grace's new job. She's still in HR, but now
she's with a company that runs websites. It's really big and successful,
and most of the money comes from porn sites.
"Grace handles the legal releases for all the actors, and most of them
are part time. She meets them in person because she has to witness their
signatures. Most of them are good looking women and men, but she also
noticed a lot of ugly overweight men, and she asked her boss about them.
That's how she found out about the male humiliation websites. Because of
her job, she can go to any of the company's websites for free and download
videos, so she's sent me some of the stuff from those sites.
"She said these men are making lots of money, but the people working at
the video studios told her they would do it for nothing. The company just
pays to protect itself against sexual slavery lawsuits. It makes huge
profits from those sites, so what it pays the men is just a drop in the
bucket anyway.
"Grace went to the studios and watched the men doing video shootings and
live cams. The cams are where the men perform requests for people who pay
to watch them in real time. What Grace likes is that the men aren't really
in charge. It's the beautiful women dressed in sexy outfits who are
humiliating them who run the show and know how to do things to the men that
connect with the audience.
"A lot of these women are lesbians like Grace, but she said a lot of
them are like me. Most of them are doing it for the money, but some of are
just enjoy degrading men. I mean, I don't enjoy that, and you know I would
never want to do that to you. What I mean is you wouldn't think they are
any different from the average woman on the street until you see what they
do in the studio.
"She said that the ugly overweight men enjoy it even more than the
women. Can you believe these women do things like whipping them until they
bleed and kicking them in the balls? Grace said that sometimes it takes
the men weeks to recover after performing, but they always come back for
more.
"All sorts of things are stuck into their anuses, including the entire
hands of these women. The first time I saw a fisting, I thought it was
fake computer animation, but Grace told me that it's done with a lot of
lubrication and special techniques. Then she sent me some videos with two
hands in a guy's anus. And then I got one with two hands inside a man and
another women sticking her hand in the middle of the two hands, so there
were three. I thought she couldn't top that until she sent me some videos
of women who pushed their hands into the guy's anus until an entire arm, up
to the shoulder, was inside of him. I've even seen one video with two arms
all the way to the shoulder. Are you OK?"
As she was describing the videos, Travis started feeling nauseous. His
stomach was in knots, and he thought he might pass out, so he sat down on
the bed and put his head down. Delilah walked over to him and smiled at
him. Her face was sweaty, and her eyes were gleaming.
"You look a little green, Travis," she said. "I was going to tell you
about some of the other things I saw, but I guess I'll wait for another
time. I think this conversation has had an opposite effect on you from me.
I'm going to get you a glass of water and get you settled down, and then
I'm going to help you get those images out of your mind."
When he felt a little better, he told her didn't feel up to having sex
that night, but she wouldn't be denied. She used all the tricks that she
knew that would arouse him, and she finally succeeded. After that, she
told him to just lie on his back and she would do all the work. He watched
her as if he were outside of his body. He wasn't responding to her at all,
but she was going crazy and having multiple orgasms. I wonder if this
feels anything like being raped, he thought. He eventually did have an
orgasm, and when she felt him coming inside her, it set off a few more of
hers.
The next few days, he was uneasy as he waited for her to bring up Grace
and the ugly overweight men again, but she didn't. He wanted to tell her
that it wasn't what she said that made him physically ill. It was because
he was afraid for her soul. He knew she would laugh at him if he told her
that, so he said nothing. Later, that was one of the things that haunted
him.
He didn't see Grace for a while, but though he tried to avoid it, he
overheard phone conversations between Delilah and her. They were all about
Grace's job now, because her boss had noticed her interest in the ugly
overweight men and how beautiful and voluptuous Grace was and asked her if
she'd like to appear in a video where a veteran woman was teaching a novice
how to humiliate men. Grace jumped at the chance, and she did so well that
she became a regular on three different sites. They used wigs, makeup and
costumes to make her a different person on each site.
One day, Travis realized that he knew an awful lot about what Grace was
doing even though he and Delilah never talked about her. The next time
Grace called, he walked out of the living room into the kitchen. He saw
Delilah walking with the cordless and stopping close enough to the kitchen
that he could hear her. When he went into the bedroom, she moved just
outside the bedroom door. She wants me to hear, he realized, and after she
hung up, he accused her of pulling him into Grace's sleazy career against
his will.
"This is the first time you've complained," she said. "I was beginning
to think that Grace was right."
"What do you mean?" he said. He was surprised at how angry he sounded.
"She told me that a lot of the ugly overweight men remind her of you,"
she said. "Not the way they look, although she said there are a few gay
men she humiliates who aren't bad looking. She has the feeling that a lot
of the men are religious hypocrites, even though she never has
conversations with them.
"I asked her why she would think that, and she said it's because most of
them disguise themselves with makeup or wear a hood on their head or a mask
during the video shoots and live cams, and most of them wear tight latex or
leather outfits that cover up their bodies except for their genitals. She
said, they love being mortified, but they don't want anyone to know it, and
they probably pretend they are normal with their girlfriends or wives and
go to church every Sunday to pray that God will forgive them. Then after a
while, they come back for another session with her.
"She said you're probably like that, too, that you're pretending to me
that you're one thing, but if you had the chance, you'd also love to wallow
in filth. She suggested I let you hear our conversations. I told her how
sick you got when I talked about the ugly overweight men, but she said you
were probably faking it. I told her you'd ask me to go to another room or
you'd leave the apartment if you heard us, but you didn't say anything
until tonight. At least I was right when I told her you wouldn't ask me
for more details."
"Don't you see what she's doing?" said Travis. "It's the same thing as
before. She wants you, and I'm standing in her way, so she wants to
destroy me in your eyes."
"I know that," said Delilah.
"Then why are you going along with her agenda?" he said.
"I'm not," she said. "She has her reasons for doing what she does, and
I'm her friend. I don't have the right to judge her. You told me once
that God is the only one who has the right to judge people's morality. Are
you taking that back?"
"You like to twist things to suit your convenience," he said. "God lets
you and I make the choices between good and evil. I love you, and I'm just
afraid you're making the wrong choices."
"But you love everybody, Travis," she said. "You told me you are
commanded to even love your enemy. So you love Grace, too. I should be
jealous."
He gave up, and later, he blamed himself for that, too. "Let's give
this a rest, Delilah," was all he said.
"You're the one who brought it up, Travis," she said.
Despite their differing outlooks on life, the one thing they had in
common from the beginning of their relationship was their appetite for sex.
One time, she joked about how his lust was as insatiable as hers and wasn't
that wrong because they weren't joined together in God's eyes. When she
saw how that wounded him, she never brought it up again.
He told her once that he knew fornication was a sin, but he didn't think
when two unmarried people did it, it was as bad as adultery. But he was
doing it so often with her that he wondered whether God might add it up and
decide it was worse than stealing or bearing false witness. When he said
he prayed for them both every Sunday, she told him she didn't want him to
pray for her and to not tell her that again.
They both loved to enjoy each other's bodies and delighted in trying out
new ways to excite each other. After one session when they were both
glowing, Travis wondered if that was all that was holding them together.
Maybe she thought of him as a pathetic religious fanatic who would satisfy
her until she found someone who thought more like she did.
She did treat him with respect when it involved his business dealings.
She admired his creativity and persistence, and she insisted on investing
in his business and was the one who approached friends of hers and his to
invest, too.
There were no more overheard phone conversations, but something else
began happening that bothered Travis even more. It wasn't that she was
trying out new things in bed. She always did that, and he loved it. It
just seemed that all the things she was doing were in one direction. He
wanted to say something, but he hesitated. She kept going in that
direction, and finally he asked her.
"No, I'm not trying to hurt you or humiliate you," she said. "I thought
you were enjoying what I was doing. I noticed you never stopped me, and I
also noticed that your orgasms were huge. Why does that bother you?"
"I don't think any of those things bother me by themselves, but the
pattern is disturbing, and it makes me suspicious," he said. "Your ideas
come from the videos Grace is sending you, don't they?
"You're right," she said. "Grace suggested I try out variations of some
of the things she does to the ugly overweight men. She's now writing all
the scripts for her videos, and she told me she always puts in something
for you. I don't mean that I do what she does, but she gives me ideas. I
know what you like, so I adjust them to give you nothing but pleasure. I
remove the really degrading parts and the parts that are painful. She
wants me to try those on you, too, but I told her I will never do that to
you."
"When you watch those videos, you don't really know what's going on," he
said. "They are edited to show the fantasies of the people who pay for
them. There's no way to tell if the men she's hurting and degrading are
really enjoying what she's doing to them."
"Oh, they are," she said. "I know they are. I mean, you can tell."
He looked at her. She was looking away and avoiding his eye. He knew
what that meant.
"Just a minute," he said.
"No," she said, starting to get up from the bed. "This conversation is
over."
He grabbed her arm to stop her. He didn't pull her down, but he didn't
let go. Finally, she sat down on the edge of the bed and looked straight
ahead. He didn't let go of her arm, and she didn't try to pull his hand
away.
"What do you want?" she said, and he could hear the fear in her voice.
"You already know what I'm going to ask, don't you?" he said. "Have you
been going to the studios with Grace?"
"Y-yes," she said.
"So you've been there watching her," he said. "Is that how you know
what the men's reactions are?"
"Yes," she said. She was shivering now. Suddenly he no longer felt
angry at her. He felt like his body was burning and being smothered at the
same time. He wondered if this was how it would feel at the end of the
world, and then he realized that for him, it now was the end of the world.
"But that's not all, is it?" he said. His voice was barely above a
whisper now. He thought to himself that he sounded like he was talking to
her from the bottom of a well.
"No," she said.
"Did she get you to perform in some of her videos?"
"Yes."
"Is that how you know about the men, because you were doing those things
to them, too?"
"Yes."
"Did you just do this one time?"
"No."
Her "no" felt like a punch in the stomach. He decided he didn't want to
know how many times. Maybe she was now a regular, just like Grace.
"Aren't you afraid that your family or friends might find out what you
are doing?"
"I wear a wig and heavy makeup. I don't think even you could tell it's
me."
"Don't you feel bad about the horrible things you are doing to those
men?" he said.
Later, she told him that when he said that, she realized it was over,
and the pain of knowing that made her lash out at him.
"Haven't I already told you that they love what I do to them," she said,
"just like you loved it when I did the variations to you? Yes, I gave them
what they wanted, and it was exciting. I didn't hurt anyone who didn't
want to be hurt, and what I did to them wasn't anything that didn't heal in
a week or two. Mostly I just humiliated them, and they loved every minute
of it.
"You have no right to look down at me. You've enjoyed the things I
learned. You are as selfish about your pleasure as I am. The only
difference is that you go to church on Sunday and pretend you're sorry. I
admit I had fun doing those things to the ugly overweight men. But it's
not the same as the pleasure I get from being with you and watching you
enjoy the new things I try for you. I love giving pleasure to you.
"Can't you admit who you really are?" she said. "Grace is right. There
are things inside you that you are hiding from yourself. You use religion
to bottle these things up, but one day they are going to explode, and it
might destroy you. Grace thinks you should come with us to the studio one
time and watch me with the ugly overweight men, and then you can talk to me
honestly about how you feel. She thinks you might surprise me and surprise
yourself."
Travis began crying. He wanted to tell her again what Grace was doing.
He wanted to ask her to never see Grace again. He wanted to tell her she
was talking like this because the devil had invaded her body and was using
her tongue. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter if the men wanted
her to mortify them, because every time she did, she took another step down
the highway to hell. Later, he despised himself for not saying what was in
his mind.
"Your friends told you from the beginning that I was too much of an
ignorant hick for a girl like you," he said. "Some of them even told me.
Everyone but Grace later took it back. I know you don't see them much
anymore, except for Grace, so I don't see them either. But when I do, I'm
going to tell them their first impression was the right one, and you and I
should have listened to them.
"I thought we were good for each other, but it was a stupid fantasy.
When I first met you, you toyed with me, but I saw that beyond your joking,
you were kind and warm and good to your parents. Now you've become coarse
and callous and cold. I'd like to blame it on Grace, but she's always been
in your life.
"I'm beginning to realize that I'm the one who failed you. You see how
I love to fornicate with you, and then I'm ashamed and pray to be forgiven,
and then I keep on doing it. No wonder you think what you're doing is not
hurting anyone. Grace is right. I am disgusting.
"I've never seen one of those videos you and Grace make, but I imagine
them in my mind now as I look at you. I don't see the ugly overweight men.
They are just a blur. I see you and what you're doing to them. You're
degrading yourself a hundred times more than you're degrading them, and
that breaks my heart. I have to go."
He got up from the bed and didn't turn around. As he was dressing, he
heard her sobbing behind him. When he was walking out of the bedroom, she
screamed, "No!" He didn't turn around. There was nothing more to say.
When she mentioned the ugly overweight men on the phone just now, all
the emotions of the night he walked out came flooding back over him. He
didn't know what to say. He heard her breathing. It sounded as though she
was taking deep breaths. Then came a really deep one, and she said, "You
didn't say anything, Travis. Did you hear what I said?"
"Yes," he said.
"Do you understand me?" she said.
"No," he said.
"I'll spell it out for you," she said. "I talked to Grace, and she
talked to one of her producers and showed her some photos of the three of
us at the beach. The producer couldn't believe how what great shape you
are in.
"The ugly overweight men have to work a full shift that includes a few
hours on the cams and a couple of videos for $5,000. But I went with Grace
and negotiated for you and got them up to $10,000 for just one video. I
haven't been working there lately, but some of my videos are still getting
lots of clicks, so I told them I'd be in the video, too, if they went up to
$15,000, and they went for it. They think the three of us are splitting
the money, but Grace agreed that I could loan our share to you, and you
could pay us back when you had the money -- and without any interest."
Travis was starting to understand, but his mind was reeling. He heard
her take another deep breath. "Are you there, Travis?" she said.
"Yes," he said. "I hear what you're saying, and it's beginning to sink
in. You know what's funny? I'm remembering how you once told me you would
never do to me what you were doing to those ugly overweight men, that I
wasn't like them. Now it turns out that I'm no different to you from those
men after all."
He heard another sharp intake of breath on the phone, and then she said,
in a mocking voice, "That's right, Travis. You walked out on me. You
thought I was scum. I don't think you're so special anymore. If you do
this, you will be the same as the ugly overweight men, except you'll get a
lot more money for your pain and humiliation."
"I thought you told me those men wanted to be degraded and hurt," he
said.
"Yes, they love it," she said, "and Grace says you will, too. And when
you're done, you'll be able to keep your business, and my projections are
that in a few years you'll be rich. I'll get my $50,000 and probably a lot
more, and all your friends who believed in you will be rewarded. You'll be
a big man in town, not a loser living in some shack with an outhouse in the
back."
"You make it sound like you're doing me a favor," he said.
"Don't misunderstand me, Travis," she said. "If I hadn't looked at your
books and seen the payoff you were cheating me out of, I wouldn't care if
God told you to run like a coward. I even bet Grace $10 that you wouldn't
have the guts to do this. She said I'd lose the bet because you'd pretend
to me like you were appalled by the idea, all the time hiding how excited
and aroused you are at being forced to do something you want to do anyway.
Are you feeling aroused right now?"
He didn't tell her he was feeling nauseated by what she was saying. It
was his fault that he hadn't tried to save her when he saw her falling.
Now she had become the woman he was listening to.
He wondered if she was telling him the truth about his future prospects.
He had believed her when she had told him that she would've loaned him the
money he needed but had no cash to spare. But he knew she made a lot of
money. Was she lying? Was this really just a scheme of hers and Grace's
to get revenge on him?
He heard her breathing slow down and become steady. He rehearsed the
words he would tell her, explaining why he couldn't do it. At first, he
included God as one of the reasons, but then he decided that if he brought
God down into this cesspool, he would fall even lower than she had.
Finally, he decided on a cop-out.
"I need some time to think," he said. "I can't give you an answer now."
"You already have," she said. "I owe Grace $10. She told me that if
you asked for more time, that meant you would do it. We have to reserve
the studio today, so you have a couple of hours to call me back, even
though you know you're going to do it."
She's right, he thought.
"Look at yourself in the mirror, Junior," said Grace when she and
Delilah had finished squeezing him into his costume. He straightened up
and turned to the full-length mirror.
Facing him was a naked blue man with patches of pink. He wasn't naked,
but the thin blue Spandex was stretched so tightly on him that it seemed to
be painted on. It covered his torso from his neck to his feet, except
where he was naked from the belly button to the top of his thighs. The
tight blue latex hood covering his head had cutouts for his eyes, his
nostrils and his mouth. There were open patches in the latex that exposed
his cheeks.
Grace reached around and grabbed his package with her left hand. "I
think you're starting to get excited already, Junior," she said as she
manipulated his flaccid penis and testicles. "But try to control yourself
so you don't come too fast. You'll be punished if you do. Or is that what
you want anyway?"
When he had signed the papers an hour ago, Delilah told him that she and
Grace would call him Junior as they abused him verbally. They could only
do what he agreed to in the release. The list was on the second page, and
she was going to turn over the first page so he could read it. He had the
right to cross out some of the items, but the signing was being filmed and
the producers were watching on monitors. If he crossed out too many items,
they producers could stop the signing and re-negotiate or walk away from
the whole deal.
"I don't want to know what you're going to do to me," he said. "Just
show me where to sign."
"No, you have to read each item," said Delilah, "so the camera over
there can record you doing it, and they can prove that you agreed to
everything on the list, except those things you cross out. A couple of the
men tried to sue the company, so now they don't take any chances."
He turned to face the camera. "I swear to God that I agree to whatever
is written on Page 2," he said.
"That's not good enough," said Delilah. "You have to read each item and
then agree."
"Wait a minute," said Grace. She stood up and walked away from the
table motioning the producer to come with her. They whispered for a couple
of minutes and then came back.
"The producer decided that Travis's statement was good enough," Grace
said. "He doesn't need to read the list if he doesn't want to."
"Yes he does," insisted Delilah. "There may be some things he can't
handle, but he won't know until he sees what they are."
"I've got an idea," said Grace, and she took a pen and started writing.
"I'm going to write something down on the bottom of the first page.
Travis, you will read what I write and initial it. Then you will read it
out loud. Then I'll cover the list on the top of Page 2, and you will sign
at the bottom. If you don't want to do that, you will have to read the
list. OK, read this, Travis."
He read it, and he froze. "Now, initial it," said Grace, "or else
you're going to have to read the list. Or else we'll call this whole thing
off."
He signed his initials.
"Now read it out loud," said Grace.
"I'm not reading the list on Page 2 because I think the video will be
more exciting if everything is a surprise to me," he said, and then he
looked down. He felt horrible after he spoke, but he was scared that if he
read the list, he might back out. Delilah had sent him a password and some
links to the site they were shooting for, and he had opened five different
links. But after a couple of minutes, he found that he was physically sick
as he watched the beautiful, nearly naked women preparing to destroy the
ugly overweight men. He wondered if one of them was Delilah in disguise.
He turned off the videos, but he still shuddered when he thought of them,
even though he hadn't watched them long enough to see the women do
anything.
"I still want him to read the list," said Delilah. Her voice sounded
strained.
"That's finished," said Grace. "Let it go, Delilah. I told you he
wants to do this. I just gave him permission to admit it. See, he just
signed the second page. It's time to prepare him."
"OK," said Delilah, but Travis was familiar with the tone in her voice.
She was giving in, but she wasn't happy. She really wanted me to read that
list, he thought. She must know it would have destroyed my mind even
before they start destroying my body. Does she really hate me that much?
His body felt like it weighed 500 pounds when he stood up, and he
couldn't move. He saw Delilah standing and staring at him. Her face was a
blank mask. She's trying to hide her exultation, he thought. She didn't
move. It was Grace who took his hand and slowly pulled him to the studio
like he was a child who knew he was about to be punished.
The cameras were filming, and Grace was talking to him, but his mind was
full of Delilah.
"You aren't listening, Junior," she said. "I'll punish you for that
later, but now you need to come here and lie down on this padded table.
First I'm going to put this ball gag in your mouth and make it tight. We
don't want you getting too loud right now. In a few minutes, we'll take it
off so we can hear your responses.
"These leather sheaths I'm attaching to your feet are like soft boots
that go over your Spandex stockings. I'm going to make them really tight
so they don't slip off.
"Can you see me, Junior? I hope you like my outfit. My sister and I
decided to wear matching outfits for you. We actually have less on than
you do, because we wanted you to see our breasts and butts spilling out of
our costumes while we punish you. We want you to think about how you
disrespected my sister and accused her of being sinful. She and I are
showing you all the goodies that you're never going to get again. Yes,
look at her hard, Junior."
Travis caught a glimpse of Delilah standing behind and to the side of
Grace. He shuddered as he looked at her, because the expression on her
face was pure horror. She's looking at me like I'm about to kill her, he
thought, instead of the other way around. Or maybe she was feeling some
guilt and remorse. He said a brief silent prayer for her.
"You're going to come today, Junior," said Grace, "but it's not going to
be fun like it used to be. You're going to suffer when you come, and that
will also remind you of what you've lost by being such a jerk.
"My sister told me how mean you were when you found out she had made a
few female domination videos. She wasn't cheating on you, so she couldn't
understand way you were acting so crazy.
"I told her why. It's because you've always wanted to do this, Junior,
but you've been pretending that you're a religious man. You fooled my
sister and everyone else, but you didn't fool me. You may not admit it to
yourself, but I know what you really want, and today she's going to see
that I'm right."
As Grace talked, Travis felt his feet and ankles being enclosed in
something that slowly got tighter. He wondered what kind of torture this
was going to be. Grace was making up a story for the video, he thought.
It was the same story that she had been telling Delilah. He wondered how
much Delilah believed her.
"There," said Grace. "You're all snug and tight so you won't slip out
and fall. Now I'm wrapping this strap around your arms and pulling it
tight to hold them close to your body. Look over here, Junior. Do you see
this crank that I'm turning? That's why your legs are going up in the air.
It's connected to cables that are attached to your boots. There we go.
Now you're hanging down like a slab of meat.
"Wait, Sister. Where are you going?"
"I'm going to prepare some of the things we'll need later," she said.
"I'll be right back. Don't stop."
"OK, but don't be long," said Grace. "You don't want to miss this.
This part is called preparation, Junior, or prep for short. I'm turning
another handle now to lower you down, but don't worry, your head will be at
least a foot off the floor so you won't hit it while you move around.
"Usually, the prep is done in the bathroom without any cameras, but
there are fetish websites where people pay a lot of money to watch what we
are doing now, like the way you twisted when you felt my finger going into
your anus. Did you feel the lube that I pushed in there? There goes some
more. It's hard to stop me when I'm behind you, and you are just a piece
of hanging meat.
"Now that you're greasy inside, it's easy to push this in. Were you
able to see that when you twisted around? It's a long, thick syringe, and
now it's all the way in. You like things stuck in your ass, don't you,
Junior? Now I'm going to slowly push the plunger down and fill your colon
with liquid.
"Would someone please bring me the stall? Here it is. Thanks. Do you
see this thing I'm rolling up to you. It's like a curved shower stall made
out of Fiberglas with only three sides. The fourth side is open, so the
camera can shoot you hanging upside down inside it. There's a big pan at
the bottom.
"Have you already guessed what's happening, Junior? You are about to
perform the first act. The syringe was full of a powerful laxative, and
I'm sure you're already feeling what it's doing inside you. In a minute,
you're going to explode, and because you're hanging upside down, you'll
erupt like a volcano. The spurts will start you twisting and swinging from
the cables, and that will make you shoot out all over the walls of the
stall. Everything that hits the walls will bounce back onto you.
"Soon there will be a torrent running down your body to your head and
then dripping into the collecting pan below you. By the time your anus has
stopped spasming, your body and head will be coated. It will fill your
nose and also your mouth, because I'm going to remove your ball gag in a
minute. You'll try to keep your mouth shut, but when your nose is full,
you'll have to open it to breathe, and you won't be able to keep the muddy
river from running in there. You'll probably throw up along the way, and
that will mix with the other stuff running down your face.
"The cameras will capture everything, from the camera above you that
will focus on the geyser coming out of your anus to the camera at floor
level that will focus on your face as it's getting coated.
"See this sprayer in my hand. Once you're done, Delilah and I are going
to wash you down. Where is she? I can see you're almost ready. Anyway,
we'll wash you clean with hot water and soap. We'll even wash out your
nose and mouth. Then we'll roll away the stall and spray some air
freshener, and you won't smell or taste a thing.
"We are going to give you a second enema to make sure you're all clean,
but I'll lower you first, and you'll be able to go to the bathroom. We
won't film the second one because it won't be as dramatic. Oh my! Your
movements are really getting violent. You're trying hard to hold it in,
like I knew you would, so when you finally have to let go, the explosion
will be a lot more powerful.
"OK, I'm taking off your gag now. I see you're already holding your
mouth tightly shut. And boom, there you go! And there's another one, even
bigger. It's like fireworks going off high in the air and then falling
down. Whee!"
After he was washed down, his costume was removed, and he was given the
second enema. Then Delilah washed him off in the shower stall, which was
now bright and clean and showed no traces of what had happened inside it
earlier. He felt exhausted and weak, and his mind was trying to block out
what he had just gone through. He wanted to yell at Delilah and curse her
and Grace. He wanted to physically hurt them for what they had done. At
the same time, he wanted to sink into the ground and become invisible. He
no longer felt human.
He could barely move as Delilah guided him into a chair next to a small
table. "You're going to drink a couple of glasses of this," said Grace.
"It's a sports drink with a lot of sugar in it. I know it doesn't taste
good, but your body needs the water and the energy that it just lost.
You're going to sip it slowly and then rest here for about 15 minutes."
Grace and Delilah sat down next to him and observed him. Delilah got up
a few times and walked away. Her expression had changed again, back to the
poker face that hid her emotions. When the rest period was over, she was
all business as she and Grace brought him back to the padded table and
squeezed him into another spandex outfit. It was like the previous one,
but this one was pink, and his latex hood matched the color.
They pushed him down on the table again on his back, but nothing was
attached to his feet this time. He saw one of the camerawomen -- they were
all women -- move in close on one side of the table as Grace and Delilah
moved to the other side. "Why don't you explain what we're going to do
now," said Grace to Delilah.
"I'm sorry, but I have to excuse myself to go to the ladies room,"
Delilah said. "You can start, and I'll be right back."
"That's what you said before," said Grace, "and then you didn't get back
until the washing. You missed everything."
"I'm sorry," said Delilah in a flat voice. "I'll get back as soon as I
can."
Travis watched Delilah walk away. Grace waited until she was out of
sight before she leaned over and spoke in a lower voice. "I'm sorry about
Delilah," she said. "I'm sure you prefer her degrading you, and I'll take
care of that. But as long as she's not here, there are a couple of things
we can do while we're waiting.
"Look at me, Travis. The lady on the closeup camera is going to move
right up to your face. It's covered with pink, except for the area around
your mouth, your cheeks, your eyes and your nostrils, so it's hard for you
to show any expressions, but I think we can get some anyway. That's why
I'm not putting the gag in your mouth. Right now, I want you to smile.
Are you listening to me, Travis?"
He heard her, but the last thing he felt like doing was smiling. He
just lay there looking at her.
"Ow!" he yelled as she slapped him hard on his right cheek.
"I don't think you heard me," she said. "I told you to smile." She
slapped his left cheek just as hard. "I'm going to keep on slapping you
until you respond, Travis. By the time Delilah comes back, your face will
be deeply bruised and bright red. Eventually, I'll flay your skin so much
that it will start splitting and bleeding. The pain will last for weeks.
"So are you going to smile or not? That's good, but not good enough. I
want a broader smile, and I want a happy smile. I want your eyes smiling,
too. Try to think of something funny if you can or maybe some happy times
you had with Delilah.
"I don't care what you do, but I want you to look really happy. That's
better. Now try harder and make it a little more convincing for the
camera. We're all just doing a play here, and this part of the play is
where you're really happy. That's it.
"OK, now don't stop smiling, but while you're smiling, I want you to nod
your head up and down. I know it's not easy to do while you're lying down.
But just nod slowly up and down while you're smiling. You're so happy.
You're nodding yes, yes, yes, to show how happy you are. Now you're going
to nod a little faster because you're convincing me you're really happy.
You couldn't be happier.
"Now you're going to keep smiling and nodding and at the same time, and
I want to hear a little laugh. You can do it, Travis. Don't say a word,
but just give me a light little chuckle. You are so happy, you're tickled
pink and you're just bubbling over with a little laughter. OK, now make
the laughter just a little bit louder. No belly laugh. You're just
laughing because you're so happy that you can't help it. That's good.
Keep on doing that. The camerawoman is getting everything.
"OK, you can stop laughing, but keep on smiling and she's going to move
back a little. I didn't tie your arms down, so you can move them now. I
want you to move them to your sides and lift them up a little and open
them, so your palms are facing up. You're smiling and your hands are
showing how you're feeling. You are so pleased that you can't believe it.
You can't believe how happy you are. That's it. That's what I'm looking
for. OK hold it like that for the camera. Great. Now you can relax. I
see that Delilah is walking back here."
"I thought you were going to start on the CBT," she said as she came up
to the table.
"I gave him a preview of the slapping first," said Grace softly and then
raised her voice.
"Remember, I'm just your assistant, Sister. You're the one who wanted
to see what Junior was made of, so you're going to take over now and tell
me what I can do to help."
"You're right, Sister," said Delilah. It sounded to Travis like she
sighed for a moment, but then her voice became steely.
"It's time to get rough, Junior," she said. "When I got just a little
rough with you in bed, you really enjoyed it, but when you found out that I
got my ideas from making femdom videos, all of a sudden, you were telling
me I was disgusting. What a hypocrite! Sister says you're lying and you
like it a lot rougher than I thought. We'll soon find out if she's right.
"Sister, we're going to put some of this lube on our hands. You start
working his penis while I do his testicles. Yes, that's it. Just stroke
him softly at first while I play with his balls. Wow! He sure jumped to
attention right away. Look at how big and hard he got with our gentle
touch. Now let's see if he stays that way.
"I want you to grab his penis now with both hands. Even though he's
pretty thick, your hands are big. I want you to close your fists as tight
as you can and squeeze him hard as you are pumping him. Did you hear that?
I don't think he likes what you're doing. You've got him in a tight vise
and you're almost pulling his skin off as you go up and down that big
thing. I thought the pain might make it wilt a little, but it's still
pushing out and hard.
"This should change that. I'm starting to tighten my hands around his
balls. I'm doing it slowly, but he feels it, because he's getting louder.
Is this rough enough for you, Junior? What did you say? I can't hear you
above the screaming.
"Look at that, Sister. You were right. I think his penis is even more
excited. I can see that you've rubbed it so hard that there are already
spots that are raw. That must really hurt when you're going over them, but
he's still aroused. OK, let go of his penis, and I'll stop squeezing.
"I want you to grab his penis at the base with your left hand now, while
I grab his ball sack with my left hand and pull it away from his body and
then bunch up his balls in my hand like this. OK, now follow my rhythm.
I'm going to softly punch his balls with my right hand, and I want you to
softly slap his penis with your right hand. Get in my rhythm. Now you've
got it. And his screams are in rhythm, too.
"Now watch, Sister. I'm going to slowly speed up, and at the same time,
I'm going to punch harder, and I want you to do the same with your penis
slaps. That's it. Wow! Your body is totally out of control now, Junior,
and your head is jerking like crazy. But look, your penis still likes it.
Faster, Sister, faster, faster. OK, stop.
"Junior, you're lying there like we squeezed the life out of you, but
you must be enjoying it, because look at your big penis waving around like
it can't wait to come. Your sperm is dying to get out, Junior, and your
sperm never hurt me, so we'll let it go free. But you're not going to
enjoy it. Sister, start pumping him again. Yes, squeeze as tight as you
can so his penis gets rubbed hard until it's red and sore. Now stop and
slap him hard a few times. Keep doing that, and we'll see how long it
takes for him to be ready to spurt.
"Meanwhile, I'm going to grab his sack below his balls and pull them
slowly up into the air. See how his sack stretches. It's so thin now you
can almost see right through it. If I pull it any further, it will
probably rip, and those balls will tumble out and Junior won't be a man
anymore. But I'll stop here, and punch his big tight balls a few more
times, like that. Ow? Is that what you said, Junior. You don't seem to
be as loud as you were a second ago. You must really be enjoying it now.
OK, I'm letting go and there go your balls, snapping back to your crotch.
"Now I'm going to take the balls and give them a turn, like this. That
felt good, so I'm going to keep turning them, twisting them tighter and
tighter. I'll try to stop just before I twist them off. There, that's far
enough. Let's hold it like that and then let them go. There they go,
spinning around as they untwist. That looked great.
"How's the penis doing, Sister? Wow, it's really red, but I hear
something. Do you hear how his breathing is changing. I think he's
getting close. Yes, slap him a few more times, and I'll pull his balls up
again and punch them a few more times. There. He can still make some
noise.
"OK, I'm going to lay his balls gently on the bed and run my right palm
over them lightly, just caressing them softly, around and around. I think
that's getting him closer, but don't stop squeezing his penis hard as you
pump him. He'll get there despite the pain. He's panting faster and
faster now. He makes a quick, sharp sound just before he comes. Listen
for it. Listen!
"There it is. He's about to come, but you were ready, Sister. You
grabbed the end of his penis with your right hand and squeezed it so tight
that nothing came out. While you were doing that, I pushed my palm down
hard onto his balls and crushed them into the bed. Did you hear him scream
"No!" I think we really gave him something special there.
"OK, let's hold it like this. Don't let loose of the end of his penis,
and I'll keep pushing down on his balls. Wait until his breathing slows
down and he realizes he missed his chance to ejaculate. There. He's
really moaning now.
"His penis is full of semen that you trapped in there, Sister. I want
you to take your right hand and grab his penis right where it meets his
balls and squeeze as tight as you can. Now slowly pull your hand down his
penis and don't let loose no matter how hard he screams. Yes, yes. Look
at that. You're squeezing the come out of him like it's toothpaste. We
set his come free, even though he never released it. Can you imagine how
he feels? Look at his face. It's like the face of a tortured animal.
Squeeze down his penis one more time to get every drop out.
"Good, you've collected it in your left hand. Just hold it there while
I prop him up on the bed. OK, Junior, time to lick. Don't push it at him,
Sister. Let him come to you. He's going to lean forward and lick up every
drop from your hand. We'll just wait. While we're waiting, I'm going to
begin squeezing his balls together very slowly. I'm squeezing tighter and
tighter and tighter and pulling them away from his body at the same time. I
think he's starting to feel his sack stretching. Look, it's even thinner
than before. I wonder how long -- Oh, he's hungry all of a sudden. Look
at him go. Just like a dog. I'll let go of his balls and pet him like a
dog while he's licking your hand clean. Good boy, Junior. Now you can
rest."
Delilah and Grace walked away from the table. Travis lay in a fetal
position. His body didn't move, and he felt dead, but he heard the soft
sound of his breathing. He also heard some faint sounds. It was the two
women talking, but they weren't close enough to understand. It sounded as
though they might be arguing, but he couldn't tell for sure.
He tried to look at Delilah when they came back and pulled him off the
bed and helped sit down at in the chair again, but he could barely raise
his eyelids. He saw her walk away as Grace poured him another glass of
energy drink. While he was sipping it, Grace laughed and leaned over and
spoke in a low voice. "Delilah doesn't know that I crushed a bunch of blue
pills and mixed them into your drink," she said. "You're going to be hard
for a long time after we're done."
After he finished two glasses of the drink, he sat with his head on the
table. He felt like his brain had stopped functioning. He had some basic
instincts left, but even when he tried to pray, he couldn't. He decided to
say something, but he had trouble putting words together in his mind, and
when he opened his mouth, he found that his lips didn't work right. So he
didn't bother lifting his head.
The women let him rest and watched him. Then they lifted him under each
shoulder, but instead of lifting him up, they slowly lowered him to the
floor.
"I'm so excited about this part," said Grace. "My sister says I can
ride the pony first. You are going to be the pony, Junior, and I get to
ride you all around the room. Did you notice that there are kneepads under
your Spandex stockings? That's so you don't get hurt. So get up off the
floor onto your hands and knees.
"I'm going to ride you bareback, and I don't need a bridle and reins
because your hair is long enough. But you have to get up now. If you're a
wild stallion and don't respond, I'll have to geld you to make you more
docile. No, I won't remove your oysters, but I will punch them really hard
until you get up. You've already enjoyed that, so you know what it feels
like.
"That's it, Junior. You're moving so slowly, but I'll get you going
faster. OK, still now, while I mount. There. I'm comfortable now. Let's
start at just a slow walk to get you used to the weight. That's great.
Now I'll teach you how to respond to your rider.
"You felt that, didn't you? I could tell by the way your head whipped
around. You tried to yell, but you don't have much voice anymore. When I
slap you really hard on the right cheek, that means I want you to move to
the right. And when I slap you on the left cheek -- that's it, you're
moving to the left. See how easy.
"But we can't have you lowering your head like that because I won't be
able to reach your cheeks to direct you. So I'm grabbing your hair and
yanking it back. That brought your head up fast. Keep it high like that,
and I won't have to pull your hair again.
"Now, let's go a little faster. Yes, when I lean back and spank you
hard on one of your butt cheeks, it means to go faster. And that's all
there is, Junior. You learned fast, because you jumped when I spanked your
other cheek. There, a slap and you moved to the right. Another slap on
the right cheek. And another. Yes I want you to keep turning in a circle
like that as I keep slapping you.
"Now let's try the other direction. Good. Turn with every slap. You
are looking good. Round and round. But I don't want you to get dizzy, so
let's go forward for a while. You forgot that when I spank you, it means
you need to go faster. Yes, faster again. And again. And again. Look
how fast you're going now. But you seem to be slowing down a little, so
here's another spank. You've got to try harder, Junior.
"OK. I'll let you go slower for now while we practice going right and
left. I want to keep turning in both directions until your cheeks are
bright red.
"That's good for now. Let's go in the direction you're going but speed
up as I spank you harder. I want your butt cheeks to be the same color as
your other cheeks. You're responding, Junior, but not enough. My pony
needs to gallop. Sister, please hand me the switch. Sister! Where are
you? Would someone please get her.
"Here she comes. Please hand me the switch. Yes, I'm sure. I'm
waiting. Thanks. OK, think this will make you move, Junior. Yes, I was
right. That's it. Look how fast you can go when you're motivated. Let's
see if you can go faster, And faster. And faster. You're slowing down,
Junior. I'm going to keep on bringing that switch down until you speed up.
I can hear it singing as it flies through the air.
"What did you say, Sister? You think he's about to collapse and pass
out? OK, Junior, we don't want that. You've got to be alert for the final
part, so you can slow down now. And now you can stop, and I'll get off.
Oh boy! Your ass is striped with blood. That's going to hurt for a long
time. But look underneath, Sister. The pain was so exciting for him that
his penis is rock solid again.
"Do you want to go for a ride now, Sister? What? OK. Let's give him
another rest and some more energy drink. I think you're right that if you
ride him, he might get too tired to respond to the last part. Help me get
him into the chair. OK, Junior, here's your drink. Sister wants to talk
to me, so we'll be right back."
As he sipped his drink, Travis was looking down at the table. He was
too worn out to lift his head. He was in a fog, but he became aware of
voices getting louder. This time he was sure. It was an argument, and
even though it was too far away for him to hear what they were saying, it
sounded like Grace and Delilah. He strained his ears but all he could make
out were a couple of words that Grace repeated several times -- "No way!"
-- and one that Delilah said a few times -- "debutantes."
At last the discussion was over, and they came back to him and lifted
him up and helped him walk over to the padded table. He lay on his back
with his eyes closed. His mind could think of only pain and the absence of
pain. Life was good right now because he was only dealing with the intense
pain radiating from his cheeks, his buttocks, his penis and his testicles.
But any second, life would become terrible because more pain was coming.
As if reading his mind, Grace leaned over and spoke to him. "I don't
know how much you can comprehend right now, Junior," she said. "I was
hoping you'd be really frightened by thinking about what's coming next, but
Sister told me she doesn't think you've ever heard of this. I told one of
the camera ladies to focus on your face so she can capture your expressions
as you gradually realize what Sister's going to do to you. I don't think
you'll be able to handle this, and when you've lost all control, you'll do
some delightful and surprising things for us.
"Do you feel that, Junior? Sister is rubbing some grease into your
crease. You're moving a little because even the clumps of white slime
touching your red skin are painful. Now she's pushing the grease into your
crack as I pull your legs apart.
"Do you feel how she's gently stroking her finger inside your crack, up
and down? Do you feel it touching your anus as it goes over it? Now she's
massaging your little puckered hole gently with her finger. That should
feel good. And now it's going in. She knows you like that. She's slowly
moving it around in there to find the magic button, and there you go. She
found the prostrate, and she's massaging it, and your big pole jumped up in
the air like nothing ever happened to it.
"I'm going to grab it in my right hand and your balls in my left hand
and start working them again. I put some of that thick white grease on my
hands, and I won't be as rough as before -- at least not at first. So I
think you'll be ready to come pretty fast from my strokes and from
Delilah's anal massage.
"I hear your breathing speeding up, and there's that quick sharp sound,
so I have to stop pumping right now and clamp down on your penis right at
the base to stop you from coming. I listened closely, so next time, I'll
stop a few seconds earlier and I won't need to squeeze that hard. Did you
notice that Sister stopped stimulating you at the same time.
"Yes, I'm going to keep bringing you close, and then I'll stop. You're
going to feel a pain deep inside your balls, a new kind of pain, and each
time I stop, it will get worse. Eventually, you'll want to come so bad
that I could get you to pray to the devil in return for letting you come.
"So let's start again. Do you notice that Sister has two fingers inside
you now, and she's also moving them in and out of you. She just pushed a
lot more white grease inside your anus. Now it's her turn to talk. I
wanted to switch places for this one, but she insisted, because she wants
to tell you a few things, but maybe she's too tired to talk. Is that
right, Sister? Should we switch places?"
"No! No!" said Delilah. "Stay where you are, Sister. I was just
thinking of how Junior is such a big, handsome hunk of man, or at least he
was. And now he's nothing better than a farm animal, eager to be used by
us in whatever way we want. You always used to like it when I put a finger
or two in while we were making love, didn't you, Junior?
"I never put three fingers in, because I wasn't sure you'd like it, but
now I'll find out. From the way you squirmed, I don't think you enjoyed
it. But maybe you moved like that because it's getting you hot. I see
Sister has you almost ready to come. Let me stick some more grease in
there so I can move my three fingers in and out a little faster. Do you
feel that I'm matching Sister now. We've got the same rhythm, and your
body is certainly moving all around like crazy. You don't seem to be that
tired all of a sudden.
"I'm going to slow down for a moment, so I can -- there, you really
bounced up when I put that fourth finger in. Your eyelids are still down,
so you're focusing on dealing with pain of your anus stretching so wide and
Sister withholding your orgasm. You didn't even notice that I cupped my
fingers together and put my thumb in the middle, so now I've got five
fingers going in and out of you.
"Now, I'm going to slowly spread them and speed them up until I match
Sister again. Wow! You really reacted when she stopped pumping you that
time. You are just dying to come, aren't you? Now, I'm going to slow down
again and do this.
"That did it, Sister. That got his attention. I was watching his face,
and his eyes suddenly opened wide. He finally realized. Yes, Junior, I
just put a huge wad of grease into your wide-open anus, and now I'm going
to slowly push and keep on pushing. Oh, you can still scream. That's what
I was waiting for. And now you're panting and sobbing, and your body is
out of control. Your mouth looks deformed. I think you've turned into an
imbecile.
"There, maybe that scream helped open you up, because I just pushed my
entire hand into you, all the way to the wrist. Do you feel better now,
Junior? I'll leave it like that for a minute while Sister gets you focused
on coming again.
"Your penis looks larger than I've ever seen it. It looks like it's
straining, like it wants to break off your body just to get some relief.
"OK, now I'm going to squeeze my hand together and slowly pull it out of
you, Junior. Now it's free, and now it goes right back in. Yes, I'm going
to push my hand in and out of you just like that and slowly pick up the
speed until it matches Sister's. You are thrashing around like a wild
animal who's been attacked by a predator. I guess the pain must be
incredible.
"Should we finish him off now, Sister? This will be really dramatic for
the video."
"No!" Grace said as she noticed he was about to come and stopped pumping
him again. "Don't forget what we talked about. That will be even more
dramatic. But if your arm is tired, I'll be glad to switch with you."
"No!" said Delilah. "Stay there. I guess you're right. We should
really finish with something special. Junior, not many men have
experienced what you've experienced today, but even fewer will ever feel
what you're going to feel now. You used to caress my arms and tell me how
slim and beautiful they were. Now you'll have a chance to caress them
again. But this time, it won't be your hands around my arms, it will be
your colon.
"Can you feel that I'm starting to push into you a little further. I'm
going really slowly, so you can really enjoy this. There. You can't see
it, but my forearm is in you almost to the elbow. Can you feel that? Try
not to move. That's it. Just pant like a dog and you'll handle it.
"I'm past the elbow now and still moving up your body. My bicep is
giving you a little trouble, Junior, but there it goes and now I'm all the
way to my shoulder. I can't go any further. You've taken all that I can
give.
"I want you to listen to me now, Junior. Sister, stop for a second.
Look at me, Junior. Before we finish, I want you to know that, in my mind,
you're exactly like every man I worked with in the femdom videos. I don't
think of them as human. They're vermin to me, and you may look a little
different from them, but otherwise you are exactly the same.
"In fact, you're worse. They don't pretend to be anything other than
pitiful excuses for men, but you think you're better than they are, because
after you do what they do, you'll go to church and pray to be forgiven.
"I don't want to ever see your hypocritical face again. If you try to
get within a hundred feet of me, I'm going to get a restraining order,
Junior. You've shown me what you are made of, and it makes my skin crawl.
If I ever see you again, it will only be on this video, as a disgusting
pervert getting off on being degraded.
"OK, Sister, now you can finish him off. I can feel you around me like
a long glove, Junior, and I think when you come in a minute, that glove is
going to get really tight. You're not even an animal anymore, Junior.
You're just something I'm wearing. How does that feel?
"I see you're getting frantic now. You're screaming and sobbing and
your body is moving like crazy because it thinks Grace is going to stop
again, but this time she won't, and there you go. Look at you spraying all
over yourself as she moves your penis around. I didn't think there was
that much left inside you. Go, Junior, go!"
As he spurted and groaned with relief, he heard loud noises and wondered
what they were. Then he realized that the entire crew in the studio had
burst into cheers and wild applause. Was this part of the humiliation?
Grace was yelling at Delilah over the racket, and Travis heard her.
"When he stops and you pull out," she said, "don't forget to make a fist
just before you pull free, so there's a really big gape for the video." But
Delilah must not have heard her because she removed her arm slowly and made
her hand as small as possible before she pulled it out. It still hurt so
much that he passed out.
He wasn't unconscious for long. When he awoke the bright lights had
been turned off and the camerawomen were gone. He was still lying on the
bed feeling like he could never get up. He heard Grace say, "Where are you
going now, Delilah? Aren't you going to help me get him cleaned up and
dressed?"
"I've got to do something, but I'll be right back," Delilah said. When
she returned, Grace had his Spandex outfit off. Delilah insisted on taking
him to the shower stall and washing him by herself. She had her poker face
on again, and she didn't say a word. She also dressed him by herself and
then led him to a wheelchair. After he sat down, he saw her make an effort
to tighten her face before she spoke to him.
"You won't be in any shape to do anything for two or three days, Travis,
so I'm going to handle the money transfers and make sure everything is done
right, and I'll watch over your business. That's in the agreement that you
signed but didn't read. I'll be checking with your secretary every day
until she tells me you are back in action.
"I'm keeping my end of the bargain, but don't get any ideas. I was
being a little dramatic for the video, but what I said was basically the
truth. I never want to see you again.
"I'm going to push your wheelchair out to your car and lay you across
the back seat and drive you home. I checked to make sure you've got your
wallet and everything you wore when you came here. This box contains a DVD
of all the video that was shot today. While Grace was taking off your
outfit, I quickly collected the recording drives from each camera and
burned the video files onto the disk for you.
"I know I can't do it, but I would like to force you to watch every
minute recorded by every camera so you see exactly what you are and why you
make me sick. I know you. You will want to throw the disk away because
you'd rather lie to yourself. So I want you right now to swear to God that
you will watch it at least once -- all the way through. I'm not going to
take you to your car until you do."
Grace was listening to Delilah, and she walked over to them. "Give me
the DVD, Delilah," she said, holding out her hand. "He doesn't want it,
and he doesn't need it. If he wants to see the video some day, he can
watch it online. I'll send him the link. You can make him swear to watch
that."
"No," said Delilah. "It was in the agreement that he gets a copy of
everything we shot. I want him to see every disgusting detail from every
angle. That's why I rushed to make the disk before I took him home."
"But he doesn't want it," said Grace. "Look at him. You don't want
this, do you, Travis?" she said.
Travis was too weak to respond. He didn't want to ever look at that
disk, and he tried to shake his head, but he wasn't sure either woman
noticed.
"I'm sorry, Grace," said Delilah. "I insist, and I'm not going to back
down this time."
"I think you're a little overemotional about this whole thing, Delilah,"
said Grace. "Please come over here and let's talk about this for a
minute."
Travis looked up from his wheelchair and saw them go to the other side
of the room and have a brief animated conversation. He didn't hear a word
of it. When they were done, they walked back to him.
"Delilah needs to cool down a little," said Grace, "so she doesn't do
anything foolish to you that could get her in trouble. So I will be
driving you home. You're going to take the DVD because it says in the
contract that we have to give it to you, even though I know you don't want
it. Before we go, Delilah has a couple more things to tell you."
"You didn't swear to watch the video yet, Travis," said Delilah, "and
I'm not going to let Grace take you home until you do. I know you are
weak, but you need to show me somehow, even if it's only with a head nod.
So listen. Travis, do you solemnly swear, so help you God, that you will
watch the DVD at least once? I'm waiting."
All Travis wanted at this point was to get home as soon as he could. He
gathered his strength and nodded.
"You saw that, Delilah," said Grace. "He agreed."
"One more thing," said Delilah. Her voice was now shrill and screechy,
no longer controlled and steely. "Travis, you have to swear that, no
matter what, you will never pray for me again."
"Delilah, that's crazy," said Grace. "Let me take Travis home now. You
are getting irrational."
"I don't care," she said, and she walked up to where Travis was sitting
and leaned over and put her face right in front of his. "Travis, do you
swear that you will never pray for me," she said. She was almost screaming
her words. At first, Travis felt like nodding again, but he stopped
himself. As much as he wanted this to be over, he made sure his head never
moved.
"Ow!" he screamed. Delilah had slapped his injured cheek.
"You bastard, Travis!" she screamed. "Swear to me!"
Grace quickly moved between her and Travis and hugged Delilah. Delilah
collapsed in her arms, and Travis heard her crying. Grace gently moved
with Delilah across the room and sat her down in a chair and spoke softly
to her. Then she came back to him.
With a lot of effort, Grace managed to get him home and move him from
his car to his bedroom, where she laid him on his bed, took his clothes off
and covered him. He watched her without saying a word.
He had been holding onto the DVD case in the car, and when she started
undressing him, Grace took it from him and put it on his dresser. He
watched as she now went to his dresser, took the case and opened it. She
took the DVD out and held it up in front of his face.
"I know you don't want to watch this," she said as she broke it in two.
"We fulfilled the contract and gave it to you, but now it's not working, so
you can't keep your promise to Delilah through no fault of your own. I'll
throw it away for you.
"If you change your mind, you can watch it online in a few weeks. I'll
send you a link to it and a lifetime password to get onto the site. I have
a feeling it's going to be a big hit. Thanks so much for making it
possible. Goodbye."
Travis didn't respond. He had fallen asleep soon after she had waved
the broken disk in front of him.
A few days later, he got a package in the mail with a handwritten note
from Delilah that said, "Hi, Travis. While Grace took you home, I made
another DVD for you. I have a feeling that she didn't leave the disk with
you, and I don't want to get into an argument with her about it. So I sent
this just in case, and I also threw in the contract that you left lying in
the studio."
He put the note back in the package and threw the package in a drawer. I
promised I'd watch it, he thought, but I didn't say when.
Three weeks later, his secretary buzzed him on the phone.
"There's a woman on the phone who wants to talk to you about a video you
made," she said. "Should I get rid of her?"
A shudder went through Travis. "Put her through," he said.
"Hi," said a pleasant voice he didn't recognize. "We never met, but I
watched your performance. I'm Grace's boss, Felicia."
"Hi, Felicia," he said, forcing himself to speak slowly and calmly.
"I'm calling because I wanted to apologize," she said. "I was angry
that Grace pushed me all the way to $15,000 for just one video session, but
when I saw how good you were, I realized that you were worth that and more.
Everyone else there knew it, too. I'm sure you heard us applauding you."
"Is that why you doubled my payment," said Travis. "I wondered if it
was a mistake and thought you might be calling to get the money back?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," said Felicia.
"Don't you know that you paid me $30,000 instead of $15,000?" he said.
"What?" she said. "No, you're confused. I think it's because of the
last-minute addition. It's all spelled out in your contract."
Travis didn't tell her that he still hadn't looked at the contract.
"Excuse me?" he said. "What do you mean by last minute?"
"You know," she said. "At first you were just going to do the femdom
humiliation video, but Delilah and Grace came to me a few days before and
said you'd also be willing to do a scat video for an extra $15,000. So we
did that one first. It went to one of our fetish sites, and it's doing
amazing business. That's a separate clientele. Most of the femdom
customers don't want to see the enema stuff. I guess you haven't seen your
videos online yet. That scene isn't part of the femdom video."
"I'm sorry, Felicia," he said. "Let me get this straight. The part
with me hanging in the shower stall is on one site, and the torture is on
another site?" He thought that Delilah could no longer shock him, but she
had given him one more punch in the gut. She had made him go through that
hanging scene even though it wasn't necessary. He still had nightmares and
woke up in a sweat smelling that awful smell. I guess there's no limit to
how much she hates me, he thought.
"Yes," Felicia said to his question. "That's right. I'm surprised you
haven't seen the femdom video yet. When you do, you'll see Grace did an
amazing job putting it together. As good as I thought you were while you
were performing, I didn't really understand the full extent of your talent
until she brought it out in her editing. The way you play the audience is
astounding. One second, it looks like you're out of your mind in pain and
humiliaton, and the next second, it's obvious that you're enjoying every
minute of it.
"That's another reason why I'm calling. I told Grace that I would pay a
lot more than last time if the three of you worked together again. I could
go up to $20,000 and maybe a little more. Grace said she'd love to work
with you again. I've left a couple of messages for Delilah, but I haven't
heard back from her yet. What do you say?"
For a moment, Travis was speechless. He felt sick. But he took hold of
himself and thought fast. Whatever Felicia was talking about, he didn't
want to ever discuss it with her again. How could he make sure she didn't
call him back? He decided to humor her.
"Your offer is very flattering" he said, "but right now, I'm too busy. I
don't know if Grace told you that I own a struggling business, and I need
to totally focus on it. I spend almost every waking moment working on it."
"I understand completely," said Felicia. "I'm very focused on my
business, too. I know sometimes when you're starting a business, you can
get short of cash. If you ever do, please call me. I shouldn't say this,
but I think you can negotiate even more money than I've mentioned."
"Thank you," said Travis. "We did have a cash crunch, but it looks like
we now have all we need. If things should change and I am interested in
contacting you, how can I reach you?"
Felicia gave him her number. "May I check in with you occasionally?"
she asked.
"I'm afraid that if you call, it will just interfere with my schedule,"
he said, "and that will make it less likely that I would ever work for you.
It might even send me to your competition."
"I understand," she said. "I won't bother you. Would you at least
promise me that you'll think about my offer?"
Travis shuddered. He wished he could tell her he was going to wipe her
offer from his mind, but like the other things he couldn't forget, he knew
it would come back to haunt him. "Sure," he said, "I promise to think
about your offer. Goodbye now."
His business grew slowly but steadily, and as he added personnel and
expanded, he plunged deeply into his work and went all out six days a week.
On Sunday, he went to Sunday school, services and other church activities,
so that day was as busy as any other.
He prayed for Delilah and Grace each week, but otherwise, he rarely
thought of them until he saw Delilah at the end of the aisle in a grocery
store six months later. He had come from a late meeting and stopped nearby
instead of going to the store near his house. He was frozen for a moment
as he watched her and was reminded of the last time he saw her. Then,
without thinking, he walked toward her.
When she saw him, he could see she was startled. She quickly wheeled
her cart in the other direction and was gone. He kept walking and looked
for her. Finally, he saw her walking out the door to the parking lot
without anything in her hands. She was walking fast and looked behind her
several times. He went back to his shopping.
It was almost the same scene at a department store two weeks later. He
was coming up on an escalator and saw her. It was the women's clothing
floor, and he wasn't planning to get off there, but he decided on the spur
of the moment to talk to her. This time, she didn't see him until he was
almost on top of her. She jumped in fright and began quickly walking away.
Travis followed her to the down escalator and tried to catch up. She began
walking faster, and he did, too.
By the time she was in the parking lot, she was running. He watched her
run to her car, jump in it and speed away. He stood there stunned, not
because she was avoiding him but because he had seen the look on her face.
He expected her to be annoyed or angry at him for approaching her, or even
disgusted. But the look on her face was different. It was pure terror.
She was deathly afraid of him. She thinks I want to hurt her, he thought.
I wonder if she'll serve me with a restraining order. But nothing happened
in the next few days.
Her face of abject horror began to haunt him. It began showing up in
his dreams, and sometimes when he prayed for her on Sunday. He wanted to
talk to her, just for a minute, and tell her that everything was going to
be all right. He had thought it over and decided that she had been right
to force him to do something drastic rather than give up on life, even
though he was still haunted by the utter depravity that he had been a part
of. He had forgiven her and didn't wish her any harm. He wanted to
suggest that she get counseling because it seemed as though she hadn't
moved on like he had. He didn't want her fear of him affecting her life.
And he wanted to ask her to forgive him for praying for her.
Finally, he decided he had to try to see her. If she lashed out and did
anything to him, such as file a police report, it didn't matter. He was
the cause of her anguish, and he needed to help her out of it. But he was
frustrated, because he couldn't think of a way to get her to stop running
from him that didn't involve something physical, something he would never
do.
He realized he needed help, but he didn't know whom to turn to. Then he
ran into one of her girlfriends at a client's party.
He saw Abigail across the room with a male companion. At first, he was
hesitant to approach her, because he was sure Delilah had shared one or
both of his videos with her friends. Abigail probably considered him a
disgusting perv. He finally worked up his courage by telling himself he
was doing this for Delilah, and he had no dignity to lose anyway.
Surprisingly, Abigail greeted him warmly and introduced him to her
friend. "Would you mind talking to me outside for just a couple of
minutes?" he asked her.
When they got to a quiet area of the garden, she said, "This is about
Delilah, isn't it?"
"Yes," he said. "So she told you."
"Well, I haven't talked to her in a long time," said Abigail. "After
you two broke up, she stopped seeing all her friends, except for Grace.
Grace said it was all your fault, because you were a real bastard at the
end. What did you do to her?"
"Grace didn't tell you?" he said.
"No," said Abigail. "She told me that Delilah doesn't want her to tell
anyone, but that you were really cruel to her."
"Grace was right," said Travis. "And that's why I'd like your help.
You know how you used to make fun of me for being religious. I said some
horrible things to Delilah, and I've prayed a lot about what happened.
I've been very lucky that I've been able to move on, and now I'm really
doing well financially, and I'm more at peace in my mind. I know Delilah
has also been doing well in her career, but I'm afraid I've caused her a
lot of psychic damage." He told Abigail about the scene at the department
store.
"Even though you and Delilah haven't talked lately," he said, "I know
you used to be close. Would you help me? I want to talk to her. Tell her
how upset I am that she's frightened of me. Tell her I want just five
minutes of her time to tell her a few things that I think could help her.
Tell her I'm not interested in getting back together with her, just ending
our relationship in a better way. And tell her that I don't mind if you
are there when I talk to her. I'd rather not have Grace there, because
she's always disliked me, but if she insists on Grace being there, that's
all right, too."
Abigail promised to call up Delilah and do her best to see her, and a
few days later, she called Travis at his office. "I spoke to her on the
phone for a few minutes," she said. "You were right. When I brought you
up, she became hysterical and almost incoherent. She mentioned something
about a video. I don't think she heard a word I said after that."
Travis was silent for a second. "It's much worse than I thought,
Abigail," he said. "I don't think you can get her to listen on the phone.
Call her back and don't mention my name. Just get her to have lunch with
you, or maybe dinner. When you are face to face, maybe you can get her to
listen. Maybe she would even allow me to join the two of you for a few
minutes. I'm going to give you my private cell phone number. If you can
get her to see me, call me no matter what time of day or night, and I'll
come right over to where you are."
"OK," said Abigail. "I'll try, because I'm worried about her. She
really sounded bad. I'll call you back when I know more."
That was the last he heard from her until he called her at home a week
later. As soon as she heard his voice, she hung up. He kept calling, and
after 10 times, she said, "What do you want?"
"I want to know what happened," he said.
"Nothing that concerns you," she said. "Fuck off, and don't ever talk
to me again."
"I'm not going to do that, Abigail," he said. "I'm going to keep
calling until you talk to me. If you change your phone number, I'll find
out your new phone number. I'm sorry, but I need to know what Delilah told
you."
"She didn't tell me anything, you pervert," said Abigail. "I never
called her."
"Why not?" he said.
"You're wasting my time and yours," she said. "You know exactly why.
But I don't want to ever see you or hear from you again, so I'll tell you
that I know everything."
"But you said you didn't talk to her," he said.
"I talked to Grace," she said.
"Oh no!" he said.
"Oh yes," she said. "Almost right after I hung up with you, Grace
called and invited me to lunch the next day. She told me everything, and
then she gave me the links to your two videos. The first one was sick and
disgusting. I didn't watch the second one for long because I almost threw
up after you began - I don't even want to say it. You're lucky that most
people won't recognize you because of the hood and the weird outfit. If
Grace hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known.
"I don't know what Grace told you," he said, "but you've got to give me
a chance to explain."
"No, I don't," she said. "No matter what you say, you can't deny what I
saw."
"Please, Abigail," he said. "Can I meet you for coffee after work
tomorrow -- or anytime you want. I can straighten this all out."
"Don't you dare get anywhere near me again, you psycho," she said.
"I'll agree to talk to you now for a few minutes as long as you promise
never to make contact with me again."
"OK, OK," he said. "But please tell me exactly what Grace told you."
"Why do you want to hear what you already know?" she said. "If that's
all you want to say, we can hang up right now."
"No, no," he said. "You're right, I know everything, but you heard
Delilah. I don't know why she's like that. Maybe Grace said something
that will explain it, and then I won't try to get in touch with her. You
want that, don't you? So please try to remember everything Grace told you
and tell me slowly."
"Fine," said Abigail. "She told me how Delilah was really distraught
when you dumped her. She said you freaked out about Delilah having a
little fun at her studio. She said Delilah never cheated on you or did
anything to hurt you, and couldn't understand your overreaction. She
became so depressed that she stopped seeing her friends. She stopped going
anywhere after she came home from work. She just sat home every night and
brooded, except for a few times that Grace forced her to go out and have
dinner.
"Grace said that when Delilah found out you were in financial trouble,
she decided to call you. What you told her made her frantic. She was
sending every spare cent she had to her parents, because her alcoholic
father lost his job and they had no savings. She tried to take out a
personal loan for $15,000 but got turned down because she had no
collateral. She contacted lots of people, but nobody could get the cash
together fast enough.
"Then Grace found out from her boss that Delilah had called the producer
of one of their websites called 'Disgusting Debutantes.' They pay $10,000
to girls who had never done porn before and were willing to do everything,
no matter how disgusting or painful, with multiple men, including bums who
were picked up off the street. She was negotiating with the producer for
$15,000 to do that.
"Grace went to Delilah's house that night, and they had a big fight.
Delilah was determined to be a 'Disgusting Debutante.' She told Grace she
had destroyed your feelings for her, but she wasn't going to stand by and
watch you destroy your life. That's when Grace came up with the idea of
you doing a femdom movie for her website.
"She told Delilah that your face would be disguised, and since you
weren't an ugly overweight man, she might negotiate more money for you and
get you the $15,000 you needed. Delilah didn't want to hear about you
degrading yourself like that, but Grace told Delilah that if you ever found
out Delilah did a `Disgusting Debutante' video to raise the money for you,
it might destroy you. You would feel responsible for her being downloaded
by hundreds of people around the world every day. She told Delilah that
even your faith might fail you. It was the kind of thing that could drive
you insane and might even make you take your own life.
"That's how she got Delilah to give up on her idea. Then she used guilt
to get her to agree to the femdom video. She asked her if she was willing
to sacrifice even more than her body for you, and Delilah said she'd do
anything. She asked if she'd be willing to make you hate her or at least
lose all respect for her in order to save your business and have a chance
for a happy life. She said it would mean that Delilah would never have a
chance to tell you how much she loved you and wanted to get back together.
You would probably find another woman, but at least she would have the
satisfaction of knowing that she had made your happiness possible.
"As Grace thought, this sent Delilah into hysterics, but after she
calmed down, she told Grace she would do anything for you. For a while,
she tried to think of every possible reason why making the video with you
wouldn't work, but Grace had an answer for every objection. Then Grace
asked Delilah whether she thought your faith would give you the strength to
overcome what would be done to you. When Delilah said she was sure it
would, Grace knew she had won her over to the idea.
"Delilah agreed that in order for you to do it and save your business,
she had to make you think she was furious that you were running away
without thinking about her and the others who invested in you. She had to
make you feel guilty and selfish. She pretended that the video was her
idea and tried to make you feel like it was also a punishment for judging
her and dumping her.
"Grace said Delilah almost lost it at the end when she wanted you to
promise not to pray for her, but Grace kept her from spoiling everything
and got you out of there.
"OK, Travis. I tried to think of everything that you might not know,
and that's it. The rest you know about."
"But that doesn't explain why Delilah is so scared of me now," he said.
"Didn't Grace say anything about that?"
"Come on, Travis," said Abigail. "You're just stretching this out for
no reason. You know why she's like that. If you tried to come near me
now, I'd be angry and disgusted, but it's worse for Delilah, because she
still thinks she's in love with you.
"You're not making sense, Abigail," he said. "Just tell me what Grace
said, and maybe I'll figure it out like you did."
"I think you're playing games with me, Travis," she said. "Grace told
me she had been telling Delilah for a long time that you were a hypocrite
because you pretended to be religious but still lived with her. When
Delilah told her what you said when you found out about Delilah and the
ugly overweight men, Grace told her that kind of overreaction often
indicated that someone is really attracted to that kind of sex but is in
deep denial.
"Delilah told Grace she was crazy, but Grace said she got her to use
some milder variations of what they were doing in the femdom videos with
you during sex, and at first you really responded, but when you found out
where Delilah was picking up her ideas, you blew up, and that led to you
dumping her.
"Grace told Delilah she wasn't surprised when you agreed to do the video
to raise the money, and she kept telling Delilah that they might be getting
you to do something that you wanted to anyway. Delilah kept denying it,
and during the filming, she was certain that you were hating what they were
doing to you and kept trying to escape from the studio. She even tried to
get Grace to stop before it was over and let her do the `Disgusting
Debutante' video. Grace said she worked harder on holding Delilah together
during the filming than she did on you.
"Grace said Delilah fought her hard on the last-minute add-on, but she
kept asking Delilah whether the extra $15,000 could help you, and she kept
telling her it was painless and if you hated her after the video shoot, you
wouldn't hate her any worse -- and you'd have $15,000 more.
"Afterword, Delilah would break down and tell Grace what a horrible
person she was. Each time she did, Grace would ask her, what if you had
really enjoyed the whole thing and what would she say if you were to ask
her to make another femdom video with you? At first, Delilah said that
would never happen because you hated what they had done to you and you
would always hate her for doing it.
"Eventually Delilah had to give in. She's finally accepted the reality
of your perversity. She claims you weren't like that until she drove you
over the edge, and Grace can't stop her from beating herself up about it,
but she has to admit you're no longer the person she knew."
"Wait!" yelled Travis. "Why does she have to admit that?"
"You know why, Travis," said Abigail. "Eventually, Grace found a way to
make her watch the video. And then Grace told her that her boss approached
you about making another one with the two of them, and you were considering
her offer. Grace said she screamed at her and called her a liar, but when
Grace's boss told Delilah that you said you were flattered by her offer and
were thinking about it, she collapsed.
"I asked Grace why Delilah was frightened of you, and Grace said it's
because she still is not totally over her denial. She's frightened that if
she hears you suggest doing another video, she would lose her mind."
"But Grace has twisted everything," said Travis. "I was just trying to
keep her boss from calling me again. I never agreed to anything. Abigail,
you have to help me straighten this out."
"No, Travis," she said, "you're the one who's twisted. Grace had you
figured out from the start. You need to wake up and admit what you really
are, and if you aren't happy with that, you need to get some help. I've
helped you as much as I'm going to, and I'm warning you again, don't call
me or communicate with me in any way, and don't come anywhere near me.
Goodbye."
The conversation with Abigail sent Travis into emotional hibernation.
His employees and his friends knew something was wrong. There was an
emptiness in his eyes. Except when he was in church, he never spent time
on anything except his business. The many hours he put in paid off with
massive success. He began working on taking his company public.
Delilah was always with him, in the back of his mind, tormenting him.
He kept thinking of ways to get to her, but he couldn't find one that would
work. Sometimes the ache in his heart was so strong that he couldn't fall
asleep. Those sitting next to him in church often saw tears flowing when
he pleaded silently with God to show him a way to save her.
It seemed like years, but it was only a couple of months after Abigail
hung up on him that he picked up the phone and heard her say, "Hello,
Travis."
He nearly jumped out of his chair, and his body was shaking as he
answered, "Hi Abigail. How are you?"
"I'm fine," she said. "Do you have a couple of minutes?"
"Of course, I do," he said. "Do you have some news for me about
Delilah?"
"No, Travis," she said. "I'm calling for another reason, but I knew
you'd ask that. I haven't changed my mind about what I told you before. I
don't want to mislead you, so you have to understand that nothing is
different. I still feel the same way and I won't talk to you about
Delilah.
"I'm calling for a favor, and I'll understand if you think I have a lot
of nerve and hang up on me. If you do this favor for me, I'll really
appreciate it and try to return the favor. But not if it has anything to
do with Delilah. Do you understand?"
He had no idea what she was talking about, but he said yes anyway.
"Now that I told you nothing was different, I have to take that back,"
said Abigail. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think a little
differently about you than I did the last time we talked. The reason is my
friend Myra.
"She's a clinical psychologist who has a lot of private patients and
also does consulting for big corporations, and she'd like to meet you. No,
she's not looking for another patient, and she doesn't want to analyze you
or use you for research. She'd just like to get together for some friendly
conversation.
"Myra has been one of my best friends for almost 20 years, and not only
is she a fireball of energy, but she's also the kindest, warmest and most
uplifting person I know. She's also loyal and sympathetic. Did I say that
she is really hot looking? She's got such a great personality that people
can't help loving her once they get to know her."
"Can I stop you for a second, Abigail," said Travis. "You sound like
you're trying to set up a blind date. You know I'm in love with Delilah.
And you think I'm disgusting. Did you tell Myra about me?"
"I'm going to ignore that you just brought up Delilah after you agreed
not to," said Abigail. "I should hang up right now because of that. But
I'm doing this for Myra, not me. Yes, you're right. I am trying to fix
you up with her without totally weirding myself out.
"She knows all about you and she still wants to meet you. We were
talking one day about how we never really know what dark secrets are hidden
inside even close friends who seem nice and normal. One of Myra's
specialties is abnormal psychology. I mentioned what had happened to you,
that you were religious and mainstream, but that you had gone off the deep
end into sexual perversion. She told me that most likely you hadn't really
changed but that you had those latent tendencies for many years inside you,
waiting for something to trigger them.
"She asked a lot of questions about you, and I ended up giving her the
links to your videos. I promise you I've never told anyone else, and I
know Myra will keep the information confidential.
"Three days after we talked about you, Myra called me up and we got
together for dinner. The entire evening was about you -- actually, about
you and Myra. Myra explained that she treats many patients who have what
she calls `uncommon sexual drives.' She said she doesn't treat them to cure
their sexual tendencies, but they have similar relationship problems as
everyone else, and she's gotten a reputation for being discreet and
separating people's sexual preferences from their problems.
"Then she told me that one reason she was good at this was that she was
one of those people. I told her I didn't believe her, because I've met
some of the men she dates, but she told me that she dated other men I
didn't know about, and a lot of them were not good looking and weighed too
much. And she did things with them like Delilah and Grace did with you on
the video.
"She said that you and she weren't monsters, and you weren't a
hypocrite. She said that both of you were born the way you were, and if
your preferences were unusual, what did it matter as long as you didn't
hurt anyone else -- at least not anyone who didn't want to be hurt?
"She said that she had once hoped to find a wonderful man, someone kind,
gentle and giving who loved her for who she was and for what they could be
as a couple, someone who liked mainstream sex, too, not just the abnormal
stuff. She had long ago given up that dream and resigned herself to her
double life and to never getting married and having a family.
"She asked me a lot of questions about what I thought about you before I
saw the video, about your reputation as a businessman and about what other
people said about you. She told me that when she saw your video, she was
surprised that she was reacting like a teenager with a crush on a boy she
didn't even know. She felt strong chemistry - at least going one way. And
the other things I told her about you sounded too good to be true.
"Then she asked me why couldn't the two of you meet and maybe find
happiness with each other? If what was on your video satisfied you, and if
it satisfied her to give it to you, what right did I have to keep you
apart?
"My skin was crawling, and I got more and more nauseous as she talked,
but I let her finish, and then I told her I had to leave. I rushed home
and took a shower, but it didn't wash away what she said. That was a
couple of days ago, and I'm still upset.
"This morning, I called her and said I would tell you what she said and
arrange for you to meet, if that's what you want. She broke down on the
phone. She told me that I was the best and most understanding friend she
ever had. She said she had never told any of her other friends about her
double life, because she was worried that they would be repulsed and turn
away from her, and she was scared to death to be so open with me. She said
no matter what happened with you, she would be discreet and never do
anything to make me ashamed that I was her friend.
"I didn't have the heart to tell her that while she was praising me, I
was about to throw up. All I told her was that whatever happened between
the two of you, I didn't want to hear about it, and I also didn't want to
see the two of you together. I said I didn't want to see or talk to you at
all after I give you her number. She said she understood and would honor
my wishes.
"That's why I called. I still can't believe I'm doing this. Do you
want her number?"
"No, Abigail," he said. "I want to explain to you why you've got me all
wrong and how everything has been twisted."
"Stop right there, Travis," she said. "I told you I don't want to hear
anything more about that subject. All I want to know is do you want Myra's
phone number or not? She's a wonderful person, and maybe the two of you
could make each other happy in your special way."
"I'm sure she's wonderful, Abigail," he said, "but I'm not who she
thinks I am. You're the one I need to talk to you. When you understand
--."
Abigail interrupted him. "I think I understand that you won't call
her," she said. "Is that right?"
"Yes, but --"
"Then I don't need to talk to you anymore. Goodbye."
When he came out of church on Sunday, Travis took a walk through the
children's Bible garden. He ran into several couples from church who all
stopped him and asked him if there was something they could do to help him.
He realized it must be obvious that he was troubled.
He kept going over Abigail's call in his mind. Why had God given him
hope, only to snatch it away? He could never know God's mysterious ways,
but there must have been a reason Abigail called. He silently prayed for
understanding. And then he stopped walking and stood still, shaking.
Lightning had just struck and opened his eyes.
He drove home quickly and called Abigail.
When she heard his voice, she said. "I told you I don't want you to
call me. Do I have to go to the police?"
"Tell me a little more about Myra," he said. "You say she's really nice
and sympathetic. Do you think she could relate to someone whose life has
been ruined?"
He heard Abigail take a deep breath, and then the tone of her voice
changed. "Oh Travis," she said, "You are going to love her. I'm so glad
you changed your mind. She almost went to pieces when I told her about our
conversation. She even accused me of wanting you for myself to do things
like on the video. Then she felt terrible for saying that and couldn't
stop apologizing.
"Myra is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest and most trusting and
empathetic person I know. That's why I had so much trouble believing that
she had a dark side. She won't mind listening to you talk about Delilah,
and she'll be sympathetic. I can't wait to call her. She's going to be so
happy."
"Before you call her, Abigail, I want you to understand something, so
you don't mislead her. All I'm saying is that I would like to meet her and
talk to her, nothing else. Please don't encourage her to think that I'm
interested in anything else.
"I understand, Travis," said Abigail. "This is a big step for you, and
you need to take things slow. Myra will be excited, but she'll understand.
You can't rush these things. What am I saying? I'm sorry, but I can't
help it, Travis. I'm starting to feel nauseous again. I need to hang up.
But here's her number."
He waited an hour to call Myra, and he could tell she was anticipating
his call. Her voice was high-pitched and a little chirpy, but it had a
soothing quality, too. She sounded like she was trying to stay calm, and
after some brief small talk, she asked him whether he was free at all the
next day.
"Monday is very busy," he said, "but I can get away for an hour for
lunch if you're available then. Did Abigail tell you that I'm only
interested in meeting to talk?"
"Yes," said Myra quickly. "I totally understand. Let's just meet
tomorrow and get to know each other a little."
Her office was not far from his, so he drove there, and got a corner
table in the Denny's on the ground floor. He looked at each woman walking
in the door and was surprised when a small woman came from behind him and
stood blocking his view. "Are you Travis?" she said, and when he nodded,
she sat down.
She was wearing a conservative business suit, but otherwise she was
totally different from what he expected. He envisioned a tall athletic
woman who had a powerful, intimidating presence. She had a cute face with
a turned-up nose, and everything about her, including her high voice, made
her seem like a perky, wholesome waitress at a country diner.
After they ordered and exchanged a few pleasantries, he said, "Myra, you
seem like a really nice girl, and I'm about to ask you to do something
that's not fair to you. Abigail told me you were very sympathetic and
understanding, and I'd like to take advantage of that. Do I have your
permission?"
"Do you want to tell me about you and your girlfriend, Travis?" she
said. "Abigail mentioned that you wanted to unburden yourself but she
couldn't handle it. I could probably see you in my office and help you
professionally, but that's not why I'm here.
"Yes, please tell me, Travis, but I'm going to try to listen as a
friend, not a therapist. You can be honest with me, and I'll give you my
honest reactions. Is that what you want?"
"Yes," he said. "I don't know why I didn't call you right away. I can
see that everything Abigail told me about you is true. I don't know why I
didn't trust God."
"What do you mean?" she said.
"I'll tell you another time," he said, "because we don't have much time,
and I want to tell you exactly what happened, the whole truth." He spoke
slowly at first, but as she nodded, he began to speed up because he wanted
to tell her everything before they had to leave. As he spoke, he had a
vision. In front of his eyes, she was transformed. He wanted to say
something about the vision, but he knew he didn't have time for
distractions if he was going to finish in time. Finally, he finished and
ran out of breath at the same time.
After he stopped, she was silent for a moment and then took a deep
breath. "That's the most amazing story I've ever heard," she said. "I've
heard stories from many men I've been with, and a lot of them have been
fantasies. I actually like the fantasies more, because when they tell me
the truth, it's usually sad and sordid. I can see that you have a
tremendous love for Delilah and have been deeply hurt by what's happened."
"Yes, yes!" Travis said. "I knew you would understand. I have to find
a way to get to Delilah and tell her the truth. Will you help me?"
Myra sat looking at him. She was smiling at him. He could tell she
understood him and was empathetic. It wasn't a mocking smile. It was a
smile of warmth.
"I hope you're not insulted when I tell you that I knew your story was
leading up to that," she said. "And I totally believe you're telling me
the truth."
"So you'll help me," he said.
"We've been sitting here not more than half an hour," she said. "And I
know you've got to go in a few minutes. But I already realize I have
special feelings toward you. You seem to be a wonderful man and different
from any man I've ever known. I think there's a chance we could have
something special together once you get to know me.
"But the truth is that it's always just a small chance. There are so
many things that stand in the way. The biggest one for us is that I'm
going to be just as honest with you as you were with me just now.
"You are vulnerable, Travis. As much as you know about business, that's
how little you know about abnormal sex. I know enough about it that I
might be able to play on your obsession with Delilah and lead you on and
manipulate you into giving me what I want. I'm not religious at all, so I
don't believe I'll be punished if I do that. It's a temptation, because I
know what a special person you are, and I may never meet someone like you
again.
"But if it does work out for us, I don't want it to be that way. It
might make me happier than I am now, but it will also make me deeply
unhappy, because I'll always wonder if my greediness prevented us from
having a deeper relationship based on total trust. So everything I'm
telling you now is from my heart.
"Yes, I promise you that I'll help you, but it may not be by doing what
you want me to do. I can't ignore my education, experience and intuition,
and all of them are telling me there's something wrong with your story.
No, you're not lying to me. You believe every word of what you said. And
I can't yet put my finger on what makes me feel that something is off.
"You see, Travis, in all the stories I've heard from many man, both
patients and friends, I've found that even though the facts sometimes seem
to be clear, they've often invested their stories with personal issues that
make them blind to what the stories are really saying. I'm not telling you
that's what you've done. I'm just telling you it's a possibility.
"It's unfair to leave you hanging like this, Travis, but I can't do
anything for you yet. I need to think about your story and maybe do some
research to try to find out why I can't accept it the same way you do. I'd
like to see you again as soon as possible and talk about other things, but
I realize this has to be cleared up first because it's like a dark cloud
hanging over our relationship.
"I'm sorry. There is no relationship at the moment, only the
possibility of one. I'm sure you're not interested in seeing me again
except to deal with this. When I'm ready, I'll call you. Then you can
tell me what you want me to do, and I can tell you whether I'll do it. If
I don't, I'll tell you exactly why, and I'll also tell you what I think you
should do instead."
As Myra spoke, the eager excitement Travis had felt evaporated. By the
time she stopped, he was almost as depressed as when Abigail had turned him
down. He couldn't understand how Myra could interpret what he told her any
other way than the way he did. It was so obvious. But he was afraid if he
told her that, she would be insulted, and then this chance would slip
through his fingers, too. God doesn't want to make it easy for me, he
thought. If I want Delilah back, I have to be steadfast and ready to climb
all the mountains in my way.
"If that's the way you feel, Myra," he said. "Since we're being honest,
I'll tell you that I'm deeply disappointed. As I was telling you my story
before, I had this vision. You were turning into a glowing angel right in
front of me, radiating beams of love. I felt I could put my total trust in
you.
"I know you probably laugh at things like that, and I don't mind. I'm
sure once you've thought it over and done your research and whatever,
you'll understand that I love Delilah and she loves me and we are meant to
be together forever. And maybe you'll even think of a better way to get to
her than I have."
"I'm not laughing at you," said Myra, and he saw her wipe away a tear.
"That was the most beautiful thing any man has ever said to me. I feel
like taking off my clothes right here and letting you have your way with me
on the table. But you didn't say it for that reason, and that touches me
even more. Yes, you are a special man. Travis. And I'm not going to
betray the trust you put in me."
When they got up to go, she grabbed him around the neck and planted a
quick kiss on his cheek. Some of the tears on her face rubbed off on him.
She called him two days later and invited him to come to her house that
night. He thought for a second and decided that was not a good idea. "I'm
really tired, and I was planning to come home and fall into bed," he said,
"but I want to hear what you have to say. Would it be OK to just meet at
Denny's again?"
She sounded disappointed when she said, "Sure."
She was at the table in the corner when he walked in, and she got up and
gave him a little kiss on the cheek. He noticed she barely came up to his
chin, and also that she wasn't wearing a business suit but a scoop-neck top
and tight pants. Her outfit wasn't loud and slutty, but it definitely
showed him that she had a hot body.
When she sat down, she had that warm, understanding smile on her face,
and he tried not to read too much into it, but he couldn't help hoping.
"Last time, you talked and I listened and didn't interrupt you," she
said. "When you finished, I responded. I'd like to do that in reverse
this time. When I'm done, we can discuss anything you want to for as long
as you want. If Denny's closes, we can always finish at my house. Is that
OK with you?"
"Absolutely," he said.
"I want to talk about myself a little first," she said. "I didn't grow
up in a religious home, but my parents were moral and ethical, and I think
I learned the same things you did, but they believed religion was
superstition and it enslaved humans.
"I developed into what I look like today by my sophomore year in high
school, and I was very popular with boys. They were buzzing around me like
flies, and being young and impressionable, I thought a lot of myself and
not much of them.
"Sometimes, just for fun, I toyed with them and tormented them
emotionally, and then I discovered sex. I know now that I have an
unusually strong sex drive for a woman, but back then all I knew was that I
couldn't get enough of it. I tried everything, and my boyfriends were
nothing but encouraging.
"They were never abusive, so I can't blame them. All I can say is that
while I was trying out everything, I also teased and tormented them a
little. This time it wasn't mental but physical. I noticed that they
didn't like some of the things I did to them, but they put up with them to
get their reward. I pushed them further and further, to the point where I
sometimes became both verbally and physically abusive. I degraded them and
hurt them -- not badly, but sometimes they were in pain.
"Some of them stopped calling me up, but I didn't care, because there
were others who continued to put up with me so that I would have sex with
them. I'm sure now that none of them enjoyed being abused.
"As I got older, I toned down the abuse, but I found one boy in college
who was totally smitten by me. He became my booty call. When I didn't
have another date, I knew I could always call him up and abuse him
horribly, and he'd endure it because he adored me. But he didn't enjoy it
either. I might have made the mistake of marrying him, but thank goodness,
he found another girl in our senior year, and though he wavered, I knew he
belonged with her and pushed him away.
"I learned about female domination and bondage and other abnormalities
while I was getting my psychology degree. I think I chose psychology
because I wanted to find out what was wrong with me. I found out nothing
was wrong. I was just in one of the sexual minorities, and I quickly got
over feeling guilty about it.
"I've had many relationships with men who were normal, and I liked most
of them, but I couldn't be honest with them. I carefully felt each of them
out, and when I found out how they responded, I knew better than to get
deeply involved. Some of them were serious about me, and one even asked me
to marry him, but I knew that marrying him wouldn't make either of us
happy.
"So I continued to lead a double life. I found out how to make contact
with masochists through certain publications, and then the Internet came
along and made it even easier. Most of the men in my secret life are
unhappy losers, but some of them are successful in their professions and
even their personal lives. They often loved their wives deeply.
"I took from all of them, but I also tried to give more than I took.
Some of them said I made their lives complete, and many of them told me the
only thing that they ever looked forward to was getting together to be
humiliated and abused by me.
"When Abigail told me about you, I was just curious at first. But then
I saw the videos. And then I met you. I'm being brutally honest. I've
fallen for you. I know you're not putting on a show for me, but you make
me want to believe the fairytale about there being one perfect person for
everyone in the world.
"Now comes the hard part, Travis. I know what you are thinking. You
think that because of my interest in you, I refuse to accept the fact that
you love Delilah and that you're not the type of man who wants to be
painfully humiliated by me. You're probably angry at me because you think
I won't help you. But I promised you the truth, and I won't break my
promise, even if it makes you hate me. The thought of that is almost
unbearable, but I have to face it.
"I'm going to tell you in my own way, Travis. You may think I'm
stretching this out, but I have a reason for doing it this way, and I'll be
glad to explain it to you later.
"I need to tell you more about myself first. I'm not like the women on
the Internet, especially the ones who are doing it because it's easy money.
If you watch them, they often look bored.
"My life is not a job for me. I am passionately involved in everything
I do, whether it's my profession or my private life. I am always trying to
take both of them to the next level.
"I don't use a lot of equipment in my home, but I do have a few classic
whips and some newer ones that work even better. Do you know that even
though I'm not into pain, I test every one of them extensively on myself
before I use it. I've thrown a lot of them away. I want to know their
effect, because I want the man to have an exquisite experience. I am
always looking for something that will give him excruciating pain that he
will always remember but that doesn't cause injuries that take a long time
to heal.
"Look at my hands, Travis. Do you see my fingernails? I pay a lot to
have them look beautiful, despite the fact that they are short and rounded.
I'm not into scratching body parts. I know things to do with my fingers
and hands that are much more painful than scratching but less dangerous.
And they are much more mentally devastating.
"Yes, there are many things I won't do. For instance, even though I
forced myself to watch your scat video, enemas are a turn-off for me. In
fact, I almost threw up. But I'm not looking down on you, Travis. If
things work out for us, I would understand that you might occasionally need
to be degraded that way, and I wouldn't consider it cheating.
"I would hope that you wouldn't need to go out of the home for any other
reason, Travis, because I think I can do it all for you. When I put my
hands into your anus -- yes, they are small enough that I know I can put
both arms into you up to my shoulders -- I will make you feel amazing
things that you could never imagine. I'm not bragging. I'm just repeating
what many men have told me.
"I've even created my own lubricant. I mix it according to the recipe
I've developed. It's firm like petroleum jelly, but it melts quickly with
body heat when it's applied. It makes everything look shiny and sparkling,
almost glittering."
Myra stopped speaking suddenly, and Travis looked up at her. She looked
at him silently for a while as if thinking about whether she should say
what she was about to say, and then she spoke.
"Travis, do you mind if I ask you a question?" she said.
"No," he said.
"I don't mean for you to take this in any way except as me asking for
information. I'm not angry at you, and I'm not trying to hurt you in any
way with this question. Do you think it's insulting when two people are
talking and one of them is looking down at the table instead of looking the
other person in the eye?"
"Yes, and I'm sorry for insulting you, Myra," he said. "It's just hard
for me to hear what you're saying."
"I realize that, Travis," she said, but I gave you my full attention the
other day when you were telling me your story, and I'd really appreciate
your full attention now. Are you ready for me to go on?"
"Yes," he said, "and I'll keep my head up."
"Travis," she said, "you won't believe the variety of uncomfortable and
painful ways I can extract your semen from you without anything touching
your penis, or the ways I can feed it to you, not just from my vagina, anus
or mouth. Even something as simple as spanking is special because I've
worked so long on it. I don't use any paddles, just my little hands, but I
know how to arrange the angles, intensities, rhythms and finger spreads to
turn your buttocks into mashed watermelon.
"I've designed some special furniture and equipment for restraint, but I
never use weights or clothespins or similar accessories. I can put my
fingers together around parts of your body in ways that make clothespins
seem like baby toys, and I know ways to pull and stretch things between
your legs so that you'll feel like they're nearly being ripped off your
body, without ever attaching a weight.
"I've learned a tremendous amount about pain and humiliation by talking
to the men who I've been with, and now I know how to design and customize
what I do. New men are always eager to go right to my bedroom studio, but
I force them to sit down with me for coffee and conversation first. For
me, it's like interviewing a patient. In a short time, I get all the
information I need to make our session memorable.
"Some men need to go to work the next morning, so I do things with them
that are tremendously painful but don't feel any worse than a mild hangover
the next day. Other men tell me things that indicate they want long,
lingering pain that lasts for days or even weeks.
"They often suggest ways to degrade them, but I usually ignore their
ideas, because I know the deepest humiliations are always those they keep
secret. I know how to extract those secrets without them realizing it, and
then surprise them with things they never realized they wanted. Sometimes
they cry and scream and beg me to stop, but I laugh at their desperation,
because I know that a day or two later, they'll be calling their heartless
bitch on the phone and telling me that I gave them the most wonderful
experience of their lives and wanting to schedule another date as soon as
possible.
"Every part of our time together is precious to me. When I talk to you
during the prelude, you see the softer side of me as I tenderly and gently
draw you out and learn what to do to you. Then I become the evil monster
that destroys you. And when we're finished, I become your nurse, with
soothing lotions, soothing words and soothing caresses. You'll be relaxing
and sipping one of the special healing drinks that I've created. Your body
will be glowing, from the pain, and from the things I do to comfort you.
And your mind will be will be at peace to shudder and recall the pleasure
of your devastating humiliation
"Do you know that none of my alternative sex men has ever broken up with
me? After a while, I move on, usually when I realize that there's no
chance the two of us can be happy in any other way than having sex. Some
of them I occasionally call again, and I've never been turned down. I
could choose from over a hundred numbers I have and call someone right now,
and chances are that man would be waiting at my front door when I get home.
Some of them are even out of town, and they'd drop everything to get here
as fast as they could.
"If you wanted, I think most of them would be willing to write you and
tell you about me from their perspective. They are all in love with me and
want me to be happy, and they know that I love them in a special way, too,
and I would never do anything to harm them. I have videos of me with all
of them to watch when I'm in the mood, and they know those videos will
never be used for anything except my pleasure. As I told you, some of them
are important men with a lot to lose.
"That's the end of my commercial for myself. Thank you for being
patient and making me happy by listening. I wish I could stop here, and we
could both go to my home and have an amazing time, but first I have to tell
you some things that aren't so positive.
"When you told me your story last time, you were very convincing, but as
I told you, it somehow didn't feel right. I couldn't understand why I felt
that way at first, and I even wondered if the reason was that I just didn't
want it to be true.
"I decided to take another look at your femdom video, and that's where I
found my answer -- within a few minutes. I had watched it at least a dozen
times before, but only for pleasure, and most of the time, I was thinking
of what Abigail had told me about you. This time I kept in mind what you
had told me and focused only on how you were responding to what was being
done to you.
"I almost laughed that I had doubted my instincts, because it was that
obvious that you were enjoying every minute of the video, so obvious that
it doesn't take a professional background to understand. Anyone can
plainly see it.
"That explains why Abigail doesn't want to listen to you. What could
you say to her? You say it all in the video. And Delilah may be doomed to
love you, but even she can't deny the evidence in front of her eyes.
"I know without asking that you've never watched the video. Isn't that
right Travis? Maybe you never will. I've learned that from some of my
patients. I always keep a professional distance, because if I didn't, I
couldn't help them. But there's no worse feeling than knowing that I could
help them put an end to their suffering but I never will, because they
won't face the truth about themselves and will probably live in denial the
rest of their miserable lives.
"I promised you I would help you, Travis, and I think I can, but
confronting Delilah can only bring more pain to her and to you. You need
to confront yourself and accept yourself. I want to help you move forward
to a place where you have a chance for happiness. And since I'm telling
you the whole truth, yes, I hope I might be part of your happiness.
"You are so in tune with life and reality, except in this area, that I
don't think it will take long. Maybe all it will take is watching the
video for you to finally accept who you are and find some peace. I don't
know that for sure, but I'm 100 per cent certain that no matter what you
do, nothing will change for you until you watch the video.
"That's all I have to say to you, Travis, but as I promised, I'll stay
here and talk to you as long as you want. I don't think that will
accomplish much. I think would make a lot more sense for you to come home
with me now and watch the video."
Travis was looking at her because he promised he would, but he didn't
see her. His mind was in tumult as she finished, and for a minute, he
didn't respond. He saw her waiting patiently with that wonderful smile.
But now the smile terrified him. He shook his head a few times.
"No," he said at last. "No, Myra. You've got it wrong about me. I
know who I am. And I'm not going to your house to accept myself as anyone
else. I know you mean well, but since you're not helping me, I'll have to
keep looking for the right way to get to Delilah. God is testing me, but I
know he will show me the way."
"Did God tell you not to watch the video?" said Myra.
"No, you know he didn't," said Travis.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come home with me and let me help you," she
said as she handed him a piece of paper, "so I wrote down the link to the
femdom video. Next to it, I wrote my password for the website. You can go
home and watch it. I don't believe in God, but I know that if he existed,
and he loved you, he would want you to watch the video so your life
wouldn't be ruined."
When Travis got home, he felt totally drained. He went to bed, but his
sleep was restless. He woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again.
He went to his desk and looked at the piece of paper Myra had given him.
He stared at it a long time, and then he typed the address into his
computer, and when he was asked for a password, he typed Myra's.
About five minutes into the video, he began crying, but he kept watching
in horror until the end. Then he pounded his desk and screamed. They were
right. The video showed he was the pervert they thought he was. He called
his office and left a voice mail message for his secretary that he wouldn't
be in.
He suddenly felt so tired that he could barely lift his feet as he
walked back to the bedroom. As he fell asleep, for a moment, he thought
about praying to God to ask that he never wake up.
It was like the sleep of the dead, because when he finally woke, it was
late afternoon. He got up and had something to eat, but he didn't get
dressed. He wanted to go back to bed, but he didn't, because he knew that
he wouldn't fall asleep. Questions kept coming into his mind, one after
the other. The answer to each of them showed why the video was wrong, but
none of them could wipe away what he had seen.
He tried to remember exactly what happened in the studio, but he
couldn't because he had blocked it out. An idea came into his mind that if
he could remember, he might be able prove the video was wrong. He wondered
if he was just fooling himself so he could keep on denying the truth.
He went over and over what he did remember. His head ached from
concentrating. Gradually, a few moments came back to him, and he used them
to try again to re-create in his mind everything from the beginning to the
end. He remembered the end more clearly and bitterly, the fight about the
video between Grace and Delilah, Grace taking him home, Grace breaking the
DVD and him blacking out. As he went over that for the umpteenth time, he
wondered why Grace made such a fuss about the disk and had broken his copy.
Then he remembered that Delilah had sent him another copy of the video
with the contract a few days later. He had thrown it into a drawer and
never touched it. She had told him she wanted to force him to see it, but
he had thought that was because she had despised him. Maybe it was just
part of her acting like that. But maybe Delilah had recorded a message on
the DVD that she wanted him to see.
It was a crazy thought, but he was grasping at straws. He would never
see Delilah again, but if she said something on the video about loving him,
maybe it would help him deal with the depression that was engulfing him.
He stopped thinking of anything else except finding that DVD. It didn't
take him long to discover the padded envelope pushed in the back of a
drawer.
He inserted the DVD into his computer and began watching. At first, he
was disappointed, because there was no message from Delilah, at least not
at the beginning. Then he was confused, until he realized that he wasn't
watching the finished production on the Internet but the raw footage, and
that each camera had recorded the action during the same period of time but
from different positions.
He kept on watching, silently, and then he came to a part that made him
scream and jump up from the computer and run from room to room screaming
until he was out of breath. Then he fell to his knees. "And then he went
back to the computer and watched the rest of the videos as tears streamed
down his face.
When he called Myra the next day, he told her that he had finally
watched the femdom video and now he understood what she was talking about.
He wondered if she would be willing to come over that night to discuss it.
"Why don't you come over to my place," she said. "I'm so happy for you,
Travis. I insist. I'm going to cook dinner, and I'll show you some things
that I know you'll find interesting."
"Do you have a DVD player?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. "I bring home my laptop, and I also have one for my
large flat-screen television. Why do you ask?"
"I'd like to show you some videos that I think you'll find interesting,"
he said.
"That sounds great," she said. "And maybe after that, I can show you
some of the videos I've made."
While dinner was finishing, she gave him a tour of the house. She spent
most of the time showing him her home video studio, a large empty room with
a spongy rubber floor and some strange furniture in addition to a large
bed. There were things attached to the walls and hanging from the ceiling,
and she explained with delight what each item was for. She proudly told
him that she had three professional cameras mounted on rolling tripods and
wired to operate in synch to capture all the action without her having to
do anything. She turned on her professional studio lights, and the room
was so bright he had to squint. "Maybe I can give you a demonstration of
how this works later if you like," she said with a giggle.
Dinner was delicious, and she said she was so happy to see him enjoying
it, because his gusto meant that he was probably no longer depressed. When
he said he was happier tonight than he had been in a long time, she jumped
up and kissed him on the lips. He felt her trying to insert her tongue,
but he drew away.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I need to slow down and try not to make you
uncomfortable. I have to keep reminding myself that despite what you did
on the video, this is really all new to you."
"Thanks," said Travis. "You really are an angel."
After dinner, she looked at him and said, "What would you like to do
now, Travis?"
He reminded her about the video, and she said, "Yes, of course. You'd
like to show me some videos. And then I'll show you mine. Maybe they will
put us in the mood to make a video of our own."
He didn't reply, but when he started his video, he saw her looking at
him. She was smiling, but not the smile of warmth and comfort that he had
seen up to now. Her smile was lascivious and seductive. He turned to look
at the screen, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her head turn that
way, too.
When the video began, he turned from the screen and focused on her
expression as she watched. She seemed confused at first until she realized
it was the raw footage of the same video she had seen online. She was
fascinated.
Then came the part that had made him scream and jump up at home. She
screamed and jumped up, too. He paused the video, and he heard her crying.
The sound was heartrending, like a mother whose child was dying in her
arms. After a while, she calmed down.
"Do you want to see the rest of it?" he said.
"Yes," she said and then blew her nose. "I may as well see it all." He
saw her shoulders shaking now and then as she wept while she watched the
footage from every camera, almost two and a half hours in all. When it was
over, she rushed to the bathroom.
He waited nearly 15 minutes until she came out. Her wonderful smile was
back on her face, and she was calm. But he saw her eyes were red.
"I want you to know how sorry I am for what I put you through," she
said. "I have no excuse, because I know all about video editing. I took a
lot of classes, and I use all the latest hardware and software. I know all
the tricks of moving segments around to heighten excitement and drama.
"Grace is good, but I should have spotted the continuity lapses at once,
even in the degraded version on the Internet. The soundtrack also is a
good indicator when insertions are used out of order. Using music to cover
that up is a dead giveaway.
"As soon as I saw the raw video of Grace putting you through those
smiles and nods and laughter and gestures, I understood how she had spliced
them in to tell the story that she wanted to tell.
"The studio had such good microphones that I could hear everything in
the raw videos, even your screaming through the ball gag. When she told
you about how she had doctored your drink, I felt so stupid. That's the
oldest trick in the book to make a man look like he's aroused when he's not
excited. I never use it, but all the porn producers do.
"While I was cleaning up in the bathroom, I was thinking. I know I need
to process this to understand why I made such a horrible mistake. I don't
want to admit it, Travis, but I think the fantasy of you and me blinded me
to anything that might get in the way of it. I think I was doing the same
thing I accused you of doing, and I feel so ashamed."
She looked down at the floor in dejection. Travis didn't say anything.
He was waiting. But after a minute, he got impatient.
"Are you going to help me, Myra?" he said.
"What?" she said, looking up into his eyes. He saw her cheeks were wet
with tears again.
"Are you going to help me?" he said.
"Help you?" she repeated. "Oh yes, I thought I was helping you, but I
was only deceiving myself."
"I mean, are you going to help me now -- with Delilah?" he said.
"Oh, Travis," she said. "I'm so selfish. I was thinking about how I
had planned a wonderful evening for the two of us and how I would make a
wonderful video of it for you. And now you're going to leave, and I'll
never see you again, and my dream is over. I didn't think about you for a
moment.
"I'll help you, Travis, of course, in any way I can. But I don't know
Delilah, so right now I have no idea of what we can do. It seems almost
impossible that there's a way to get you together with her again, but we'll
try."
"My idea is pretty simple," he said. "I'm sure you'll think of a better
one, but I was thinking that if you could get Abigail to sit down with me
and let me explain everything until she understood, she might talk to
Delilah for me."
"I don't know if that will work," said Myra, "because she's seen the
online video, and Grace did a wonderful job of making everyone who sees it
think you were enjoying yourself."
"What I showed you is a copy I made for you of my DVD," said Travis.
"It's for you to keep if you want. I thought you might enjoy watching it
again, so it's my present to you. Do you think you can get her to watch
it?"
"Thank you so much, Travis," she said. "You are so thoughtful. I will
treasure it and think of what a wonderful man you are when I watch it. I
don't know if I can force Abigail to sit through it, but I have an idea.
Maybe there's a way."
She looked at the video and then at him. She closed her eyes and took a
few deep breaths and then opened them again and gazed at him. He waited
for her to say something, because it looked like she wanted to speak but
was hesitating.
"Whatever you want to say, you can say it, Myra," he said. "Remember,
we aren't hiding anything from each other."
She took another breath and then looked down, averting his eyes, as she
spoke. "I was wondering, Travis, if I did this for you, would you be
willing to --." She stopped in mid-sentence.
He didn't say anything, but he got up slowly. For a moment, he stood
looking at her. She was still looking at the floor. When he was driving
to her house that night, he had a feeling that it might come down to this.
He had agonized over his feelings of fear and repulsion and prayed for help
in deciding what to do. In the end, he decided that Delilah's soul was
important enough to him that he would do anything to get Myra to help him.
Now he was calm as he began walking toward the bedroom.
Myra looked up and saw him. She got up and took a couple of steps to
follow him, and then she stopped and began shaking. "No," she said softly.
When she saw that Travis hadn't heard her, she screamed "No!" so loud that
he jumped.
"No," she said a third time. "I can't do this to you. Everything in me
says yes, except something quiet that I can barely hear. It's telling me
that you won't be ruined if we do this, but I will ruin myself as a human
being, and I'll never find happiness, because I'll never be able to think
of myself again as a person who deserves happiness.
"When I was telling you what I would like to do to you, I made you look
at me, because I was looking for any slight indication that would show me
there's a part of you that responded to what I was talking about. But all
I saw was revulsion. I thought it was because you were still in denial.
"But after I saw the video, my fantasy about us is finished. It's just
hard to let go of it. You love Delilah so much that you're willing to let
me do what I want to you. I don't think I will ever find someone who loves
me that much, but you've given me a sliver of hope, Travis. I want a man
like you. I mean, I want a man who's like you, except different in one
area. I think I've been looking for love in all the wrong places, but
you've given me a new idea.
"Travis, I'm going to make Abigail understand about you, and I'll
convince her to help you. I promise you that. I have my doubts about
whether that will get you anyplace, but I want more than anything for you
and Delilah to be together.
"You are an angel, Myra," he said. "No matter what happens, you will
always be my angel, and I will always love you." He walked to her and saw
she was crying again, and he put his arms around her. Her arms wrapped
around him, and she clutched him to her so tightly that she squeezed the
air out of him. They stood like that for a long time.
A week later, Abigail called him.
"I almost lost it when I saw you lying there again in that outfit," she
said, "but Myra only showed me the part where Grace was making you smile
and nod and make those gestures. Then she thankfully turned off the DVD
and explained what was going on and took me to her office and downloaded
your Internet video. After a couple of minutes, I saw what Grace had done,
and I told her to turn it off. I almost threw up again.
"I'm really sorry about this, and I want to make it up to you. Just
tell me what you want me to do."
They decided the best thing was for her to just get Delilah to open up
about her feelings toward him and then talk about the best way to get
through to her. Abigail promised she would make Delilah meet with her.
It took a couple of weeks, but one afternoon, he got a call from
Abigail. "I just came from lunch with Delilah, and I have no time to talk,"
she said, "but I'll call you tonight. You won't believe what I found out."
He didn't wait for her call. As soon as he walked through his door, he
went right to the phone.
"I don't have encouraging news, Travis," said Abigail. "When I
mentioned your name, she got deathly pale, and I thought she was going to
faint. After she recovered, she asked me never to say your name again and
not to ask her why.
"I couldn't think of any reply to that, and I was worried that if I
ignored her request, she would get up and leave, so I dropped it. I
haven't thought of a way to get past this yet, but I'll work on it.
"What I wanted to tell you is that Delilah shocked me. Her whole
personality has changed. Her ideas are weird. In fact, they remind me of
some of your ideas.
"I almost fell off my chair when she told me she's been going to church
every Sunday for the last couple of months. I told her I didn't believe
her, and she told me she didn't care what I or Grace thought. She said
going to church was giving her solace, and she felt more at peace there
than anywhere else. She told me she's been going to your church, and she
really likes it."
"Why haven't I seen her if she's there every week?" said Travis.
"I wondered about that. She told me she arrives a few minutes late and
sits at the very back, and each week, she gets up and leaves just before
the final benediction and gets to her car and drives off before anyone else
comes out. She said she's going to look for another church because as much
as she likes yours, she's worried about running into you if she gets more
involved."
"It's hard for me to believe," said Travis.
"Yes," said Abigail. "It's totally not Delilah, but why would she say
that? That's all I have to report to you for now, but I'm going to stay in
touch with her. There's got to be a way to get her to talk to you. Just
be patient."
Travis thought about what Abigail had said for a couple of days, and
then decided he was not going to be patient. The first time the minister
asked the congregation to rise the next Sunday, he turned around, but he
didn't see anything. When the minister told everyone to be seated, he
scanned the rows at the back and saw her sitting down. She wasn't looking
in his direction, so he didn't think she saw him spot her.
He waited until the minister began the benediction and then got up and
walked up the aisle quickly. He saw that the place where she had been
sitting was already empty. People turned their heads as he burst through
the doors. She had just gotten to the bottom of the stairs when he walked
out and was walking briskly toward the parking lot. She heard the sound of
the church doors opening and turned around and saw him.
She began walking faster, and he began running. She started running,
too, but he caught up to her and grabbed her arm and pulled her around to
face him.
"No!" she screamed. "Travis, no!" She yanked her arm free and put her
hands over her ears.
He looked around. No one else had left the church yet. Thank you, God,
he said to himself. He pulled her to him and kissed her. She took her
hands away from her ears to push him away. She didn't scream, but in a
determined voice, she said, "No, Travis! I will never do that again. Let
me go!"
"Shut up, Delilah!" he said. "I'll let you go in a minute. But first,
I need to know if you are going to believe Grace or what I tell you now.
"I don't want to do that again. I want to marry you, and once you are
mine in the eyes of God, I want to make love to you all day long with no
more guilt. Whatever you choose to do while we make love, I'll accept it,
because I now realize you told me the truth. Even though your ideas came
from those horrible things you and Grace did to those men, what you did
with me was not the same thing and you never tried to hurt or humiliate me.
"You tried to make me believe that you were only interested in your
investment, but now I know the truth. And I know about `Disgusting
Debutantes' and how you were ready to sacrifice your body to save me from
ruin.
"I'm telling you again that I never wanted to do that video, and I never
want to do another one, no matter what Grace tells you, and I can show you
how she got you to you believe her lie. All I want to do is go to church
with you, make love with you and have children with you and raise them in a
house filled with love.
"So you can believe Grace or you can believe me. Now I'm going to let
you go and turn around and walk away, and I promise you I'll never bother
you again."
He walked slowly for about 10 steps with his shoulders back and his head
high, but then his body slowly began collapsing into itself from the
torment in his brain. It was really over now, he thought. After 15 steps,
he heard a loud scream behind him. She was in pain, too, he thought, but
it didn't give him any satisfaction.
Then she screamed again, but this time there were words. "Travis," she
screamed. "Come back! Please come back, please!" Her last word died on
the air, and he turned around in time to see her crumple to the ground. As
he ran up to her, he saw her lying on the sidewalk sobbing and shaking.
When she told him she would never forgive Grace, he didn't argue with
her. It wasn't until a year after they had been married that she told him
on the way to church that she was going to pray for Grace for the first
time that day, and how did he feel about her forgiving Grace and seeing her
again?
"I think your faith is so strong now that there's no way Grace can harm
you," he said. "Some day, she might want to change her life, and if you
keep in contact, you might be able to help her."
Long before that, maybe a month after they had reconciled, he did a
double take one Sunday as they were leaving services and he saw Myra
talking to another church member. She was in one of the rear pews, almost
the same location that Delilah had been sitting in. He walked out and
asked Delilah to walk ahead a little and then wait for him, because he
needed to talk to someone.
When Myra came through the door, he stepped forward, and she saw him.
She smiled her wonderful smile and embraced him as powerfully as she had
the night he had been at her house and kissed him hard on the cheek. Then
she noticed Delilah staring at her and him and released him quickly.
"What are you doing here?" he said.
"It's because of you," she said. "I thought about you a lot after the
last time we saw each other. I kept coming back to the kind of man you
were. I've known men who said they were religious before, but they were
just trying to get themselves aroused by committing terrible sins. It
never worked, because they didn't really believe in their religion's rules.
You were the first real Christian I ever met.
"So I decided that I needed to open my mind and check into other kinds
of men than those I've been involved with. I've met some really nice men
here already, and some nice women, too. I've been thinking about becoming
a member of your church. Do you mind?"
"Not at all," said Travis. "I don't know if you'll find the man you
want here, but I hope you find grace and peace of mind."
Before she could say anything else, he shook her hand and hurried to
join Delilah.
"What was that all about?" Delilah asked.
"While we were apart, I dated her a few times," he said. "She's really
an angel in disguise. We never did anything. Most of the time we talked
about you."
"Tell me more," said Delilah.
"She's a very unusual woman," he said. "She's a psychologist who knows
a lot about abnormal sex, and she does a lot of the same things as Grace,
except not for money. And if it wasn't for her --."
"You can stop now, Travis," she said. He saw that she had become pale.
"I don't want to hear any more. It makes me think about what happened and
how I nearly lost you. I told you, I still wake up sometimes in the middle
of the night shaking with fear until I see you lying beside me."
The two women met, and they talked politely to each other during church
activities, but Myra sensed that Delilah was nervous around her, so she
tried to keep her distance. Delilah didn't bring her up again except one
time, when she told him a friend of hers said that nearly all the eligible
bachelors at the church were buzzing around her, and she had dated several
of them.
"I'm so happy to hear that," he said. "She is an angel."
"You know, the devil was an angel," said Delilah.
"Why isn't Delilah here?" said Myra when she came up to him after
Wednesday night Bible class. "Is everything going OK?"
"Yes, she's doing really well," said Travis. "She left today for a
retreat, and she won't get back until Sunday night, but it's the last trip
she's taking. When one of the partners told her the company doctor said it
was safe to for her to fly for another month, she told him she wasn't
taking any chances and offered to sell out. The partner backed off right
away."
"Do you know what it is yet?" said Myra.
"Yes, it's a boy," said Travis.
"I'm so happy for the two of you," said Myra.
"Thank you, Angel," he said and smiled. "I hope Peter's not sick."
"No, he's fine," said Myra. "He got Barbara to sub for him tonight
because he's traveling on business. He's going to be gone another week,
and I really miss him."
"I am so pleased you like Peter," said Travis. "He is such a terrific
guy." He saw that Myra was gazing at him with a quizzical expression, as if
she was trying to make up her mind about something. Then her smile came
back.
"Yes," she said, "Peter is really special. Listen, Travis, I have to
run now. I'm going out for coffee with a few of the ladies in our class.
But I want to talk to you after church on Sunday."
"I don't know, Myra," he said. "Do you think that's a good idea?"
"Oh, don't worry," she said. "We're not going anywhere. Peter and I
like to sit and talk on a bench under a shady tree in the children's Bible
garden, so that's where we'll go. I'm sure people will see us there, but I
don't care. Some of my friends have been making fun of me for coming to
this church, but I think something is rubbing off from Sunday school,
Peter's Bible study class and the minister's sermons, because I've almost
stopped caring what people think about me. Do you have anything to do
after church?"
"No," he said hesitantly.
"Then please think about it," she said. "It would really mean a lot to
me. I've got to run now. Bye."
She walked briskly to the children's Bible garden, and he was a
half-step behind her. He wished he was like her and didn't care what
people thought. He wanted to hunch over and hide, but he walked straight
and tall in case anyone was watching.
When they sat down, he looked at her. She moved close to him, but she
saw the panic in his eyes and quickly moved back. He saw she was holding
herself back for a while, still trying to decide, and then she spoke.
"Travis, I'm sorry to do this to you," she said, "but this may be the
last time we'll ever talk in private. I know it's selfish of me to make
you uncomfortable, but when I realized that both Peter and Delilah wouldn't
be here today, I had to do it. I'm totally frustrated, because I'm the
happiest woman in the world, but I can't tell anybody.
"On Wednesday night, I realized you were the one person in the world who
would understand, so I'm going to torture you with my joy and then pray
really hard for you to forgive me. It's your fault anyway, because if I
hadn't met you, I wouldn't have joined this church. I was so overcome by
how welcoming everyone was, and then I was flattered by the attention from
the bachelors. I really liked each one that I dated, and that encouraged
me to keep seeking both spiritual and emotional satisfaction. I didn't
want to waste anyone's time, so as soon as I got to know what made them
tick -- and you know I can find that out really fast -- I moved on quickly.
It gave me a bit of a reputation, but I knew I was doing the right thing
for them and me.
"I know you and Delilah were surprised when I started coming to Peter's
class, but I decided that it was big enough that I could participate and
still stay far enough away to not spoil it for you. I hope I've succeeded.
"It was the pastor who suggested I come on Wednesday nights. I was
always asking him complicated questions about faith and morality, and he
said that Peter was a wonderful teacher and exemplified a virtuous man more
than anyone he knew. He felt sure that Peter would patiently lead me to
the answers I was seeking.
"I know sometimes you and the others were embarrassed by my questions
when I first joined the class, but Peter never made me feel I didn't belong
there. He was surprised at how I devoured the books he suggested for me,
and it wasn't long before I was confident enough to jump into the
discussions and challenge people when I felt they were wrong.
"Of course, like all the other single girls in the class, I couldn't
help noticing his athletic physique and how handsome he was. When we girls
got together and talked about him, it wasn't about his views of `Hebrews'
or `Acts.' I found out most of them were in the class just to look at him.
A few of them had dated him and said they were frustrated because while
they were willing to set aside some of their moral principles because of
their desire for him, he was the most devout man they had ever met and
never deviated from the path as far as they could tell.
"I don't know if you remember a few months ago when I brought up
something really complex and seemingly contradictory in the Old Testament,
and he said that it would take the whole class to explain it. After class,
I was talking to him and I still don't know why, but I told him that I'd be
willing to cook dinner for him if he'd be willing to waste an evening
explaining the passages I had brought up earlier. The minute I said it, I
was embarrassed. He's the most respected lay teacher at our church, and
everyone is intimidated by his knowledge and wisdom. Like many of our
flock, I put him on a pedestal. And here I was, someone he probably
considered woefully ignorant about Christianity, presuming to ask him to
dinner.
"But he accepted my invitation graciously without a second thought. As
I found out later, he does things like that all the time. People are
surprised at how accessible he is to anyone who's honestly trying to learn.
"Of course, I didn't give him the tour, like I did you. I went all out
to make a great meal, and we talked about all kinds of things over dinner,
starting with my question and going on to many other religious subjects.
My mind was reeling with all the things I was learning.
"While I was making coffee, he wandered into the living room, and when I
came in with the coffee, I was embarrassed to see him standing in front of
a display case in the corner of the room.
"He asked me about it, and I tried to dismiss it as an eccentricity by
telling him that for a while I had gotten into collecting different kinds
of whips and lashes. I thought he would ask me how did I ever get
interested in that, but he didn't. He picked up one of the whips and said
it looked like a cat 'o nine tails that medieval Christians used for
flagellating themselves.
"I told him that's exactly what it was and asked him how he knew so much
about it. He told me that he had studied that era extensively and often
thought about what devout Christians had done to themselves to keep from
falling into sin. He said he had even intellectually entertained the idea
of self-flagellation sometimes when he was tempted or when he lost a battle
with the devil, but he had never seen a real cat, only drawings or photos."
"You can imagine that I was almost boiling over when I heard his words.
In the space of a few seconds, I had stopped thinking of him as a
philosopher on a pedestal and began feeling a sexual attraction. But I
restrained myself and pretended that I was also interested in whips on a
theoretical level. I explained the different items in my collection and
what they were used for. He seemed interested, but I couldn't tell if he
was just being polite. Before we moved to the coffee table, he picked up
the cat again and turned it around in his hands a few times before
replacing it. We went back to talking about religion, and he went home.
"To make a long story short, I thought a lot about him that night, and
some of my thinking resulted in wonderful orgasms. After the next class, I
concocted a reason to ask him for dinner again, and he accepted. This time
I served some wine and appetizers in the living room before dinner. As I
was bringing things to the coffee table, I saw him go over and take the cat
and begin turning it over in his hands again.
"I walked over to him and said, 'You know, medieval Christians didn't
just flagellate themselves with this. Some of them would ask others to
whip them, because it was more thorough and efficient.'"
"'I know,' he said.
"'Are you curious about how that would feel,' I said.
"He looked at me and didn't say anything, but he didn't put the cat
back.
"'If you want, I could give you a few strokes just to satisfy your
curiosity,' I said. `And then we could have a nice glass of wine and
dinner.'
"He still didn't say anything.
"'To get a true idea of how the medievals felt, you'd have to take off
your shirt,' I said. `You're probably feeling that would embarrass me, but
I have seen and heard everything in my practice, so I wouldn't feel
uncomfortable.'
"He still didn't say anything, and he looked at the cat as he felt it.
He had his back to me the whole time so far, but now he turned around and
handed me the cat. Then he turned to face away from me, and from his head
looking down and the position of his hands, I could see he was unbuttoning
his shirt.
"He pulled his arms out of his shirt and let it drop below his waist,
and then he pulled off his undershirt and put it on the display case, all
without saying a word. Then he surprised me by stepping back from the case
and leaning down and grasping it while he spread his legs. His bare back
was nearly horizontal.
"I moved closer to him and tried to control my emotions and speak
calmly. `I'm going to give you five, Peter, because otherwise you won't
really get the idea of what it was like for the medieval Christians. If
you don't want me to do that, just tell me.' He didn't say anything.
"I was so worked up that I brought down the cat much harder than I
intended on my first stroke. He screamed loudly and nearly fell to the
floor. But he didn't tell me to stop, and after a minute he got into his
previous position again. Since he had accepted my heavy stroke with no
complaint, I was just as vigorous on the next three, and on the last one, I
put everything I had into it. That one brought an agonized shriek and made
him stagger as he let go of the case with one hand.
"I waited to see what he would do. He stood holding onto the case for
support for a couple of minutes and then he straightened up. I saw the
bright red lines across his back as he walked slowly to the bathroom, and I
had an orgasm.
"I went to the living room and sat down to wait. It wasn't more than
five minutes before he joined me. His face looked like he had washed it,
and his shirt was tucked in. He looked just like he had looked when he had
walked in the door. As if nothing had just happened, we had some wine and
appetizers and then a great dinner, and the conversation was at such an
intellectual level that my mind was hurting again by the time we were done.
"When he was leaving, I decided to be bold. I asked him if he was doing
anything the following Saturday night, and he said no. I invited him to
dinner again. He didn't answer right way, but after gazing at me a few
minutes, he said, 'Yes,' kissed me on the cheek and walked quickly to his
car.
"I saw him look directly at me for no reason several times at the
Wednesday lesson, but I didn't go up to talk to him after class. He called
me Friday to confirm that he was still invited for dinner Saturday.
"I decided to go for broke that night. Usually, I get to know a man
through talking to him before deciding what to do to him. For some reason,
I wanted this to be different. I wanted to go with my feelings and not use
my training. I thought about how my feelings had betrayed me with you, but
I went ahead anyway.
"As soon as he walked in the door, I took him by the hand and led him to
the display. I picked up the cat in my right hand and stood facing him.
His head was down, facing the floor. I gently put my left hand under his
chin and lifted his head up until he was looking into my eyes.
"'You got some idea of how this worked last week,' I said, 'And tonight
I'm willing to show you what they actually endured. That means 25 to 30
strokes, and I won't tell you exactly how many, and I won't count them for
you.'
"His chin was still in my hand, and our eyes were locked as I spoke, but
I could feel him take a deep breath. I waited for him to speak, but he
didn't say anything, so I took a deep breath of my own and plunged over the
cliff.
"'If you want me to do that for you tonight,' I said, 'you're going to
have to take your clothes off here in the living room while you're looking
at me. Then you'll have to go into the bedroom and get into the position I
tell you to get into.'
"His head snapped up out of my hand, and his eyes grew wide. For a few
seconds, I thought I had blown it. But then I saw him thinking about what
I said and no longer reacting. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew that
when a man has to think about something like I had just said to him, he's
already decided.
"When he was naked, I got him on his hands and knees on my bed, and he
didn't say anything as I moved him around to get the best lighting. Then I
adjusted the cameras. This time, I whipped only his buttocks. As I
thought, when I stopped after about 10 strokes, I noticed he was fully
aroused even though he was still screaming. I put some lube on my hands
and reached for his penis with my left hand. He moved quickly away from me
on the bed, but I grabbed his testicles with my right hand and squeezed
them hard.
"He collapsed onto the bed and began moaning and crying. I continued to
squeeze for almost 20 seconds and then let go. I let him lie on the bed
and sob for a couple of minutes and then I reached under him and grasped
his testicles again. I slowly pulled them back between his legs and lifted
them up. Gradually his body followed as I pulled him back up by his
testicles.
"When he was on his hands and knees again, I stopped pulling and began
to gently move them in my hand. When my left hand reached for his penis
again, he didn't move. It was no longer aroused, but I stroked the
shriveled penis until he began to get hard again, and then I began to pump
him. He started to respond more and got fully aroused. He began to thrust
forward into my hand, but he stopped when I let go of his testicles and
picked up the cat and resumed whipping him.
"He began to scream again, but he didn't grow softer as I pumped him
while I was whipping him. I wanted him to come while I was flagellating
him, but his body didn't know what to do, and once I got to 30, I knew I
had to stop or his buttocks wouldn't recover for weeks. I was still
pumping him, and he was still hard, but he was holding back. I found out
later that it was because he was totally ashamed of what he was doing. He
doesn't have that problem anymore.
"I hesitated and then thought, why not? So while I was pumping him hard
with my left hand, I stuck my right hand in the lube and then plunged my
right index finger as hard and deep into his anus as I could. That did it.
He almost roared as he began spurting onto the bed. I continued to pump
him until he was soft, and then got up and went to the bathroom to wash off
my hands and try to compose myself for what might happen next.
"I wasn't gone long, but when I opened the bathroom door, I didn't see
him. I rushed through the living room in time to see my front door close.
When I opened it, he was already pulling his car door open, and he was gone
in a flash.
"For some reason, I was calm. I thought about what had happened, and I
couldn't find anything that didn't feel right. Then the phone rang. It
was Peter. `I'm sorry I rushed out like that,' he said, `but I had to
think, and I had to be by myself or I knew I wouldn't be able to.'
"'You're missing a good dinner,' I said, 'I want to apologize if I came
on too strong.'
"'I don't know if you did,' he told me, 'but my mind is totally confused
about what just happened and about you. I think I may need professional
help because I'm scared by some of the things I'm thinking. Maybe you can
recommend someone.'
"I told him that before I did that I wanted to talk to him. He was
hesitant, so I told him that what I meant by talking this time had nothing
to do with what had happened that evening. In fact, I said it would be
better if I came over to his place, and there would be no dinner or whips,
only conversation. He finally agreed, and our first coffee date took place
a week later.
"I saw that it was time to let go of the exciting romance of discovery
and spontaneity and do what I do best. The next three times we met were
actually interview sessions, although he didn't realize it at the time. I
found out everything I needed to know about him, and I started slowly
lifting the veil and letting him see my life.
"I was shocked to find out that his sex drive is as strong as mine. Do
you know why he's so muscular? It's because he found that exercising is
one way to get his mind off sex. He takes one or two cold showers every
day. Sometimes he watches porn, but he told me he would rather die than
have sexual relations outside of marriage.
"He's much more devout than you are and horribly self-critical,
especially about sex. He wants desperately to be kind of man everybody
thinks he is, but he feels he's living a lie because of things like having
lustful thoughts about the bachelorettes who parade themselves in front of
him.
"He's so deep that I'm still finding out things about him, and
everything I find out makes me love him more. He's letting me do to him
all the things that were done to you in that femdom video and many more.
My imagination is running wild, and he's responding to everything I think
up.
"One night, I surprised him by doing my tribute to this Korean Internet
porn star who viciously punches a man's balls over and over just as he's
coming, sending his semen flying like the juice of a lemon that's been hit
with a sledgehammer. I was worried because he fainted from the pain, and I
had trouble getting him home. The next day all he said was to please never
do anything like that again, but I noticed that's become his favorite video
to watch.
"We are together nearly every second that he or I aren't at work or at
church. We are even working out together. I can't get enough of him, but
when I suggested the other day that he might be getting tired of spending
all his time with me and that we should cool it a little, he got angry with
me for the first time.
"He proposed to me, and he was in tears when I accepted. We had an
amazing session after that. You know what he said when we were both lying
there exhausted and he was in terrible pain before I gathered the strength
to get up and attend to him? He said that as far as he was concerned, I
was a virgin because I became a new woman when I was born again. He said
he looked forward to having intercourse with me for the first time on our
wedding night and was imagining me taking off my pure white gown in front
of him.
"He told me he wants more than just a femdom relationship, and I said I
did, too. He said he wants to make passionate love without any pain or
humiliation, and I told him I'm dying to do that, too. But you know what,
I'm not impatient. I'm purifying myself for that moment on our wedding
night, so it will be holy. I already know it's also going to be hot. He's
going to be my virgin, and I'm going to be his, at least in my soul.
"We have a long way to go. I still have to treat him like a patient
sometimes, because he's suppressed his nature so long that it's not easy to
move forward. He still prays constantly for me and him and is sometimes
overcome with guilt about what we do together and how much he craves it. I
pray for him to heal and accept what he is and be whole, and I think he's
starting to understand that what we do is not harmful to anyone else or to
our souls and that when he stops wasting time and energy on guilt, he'll
have more to give God and his creatures.
"Meanwhile, I'm having a wonderful time with the most amazing man I've
ever known. You are in second place now, but I still love you, Travis, and
I always will. You have given me a gift so wonderful, it must come from
heaven. God used you as the messenger. Yes, Travis, I know I helped you a
little, but you are the real thing. You are the angel who saved me.
"That's no good, Travis. Enough people have seen me talking your ears
off here that Delilah and Peter are going to be receiving some reports.
And if the tattletales see us crying together like this, the tongues are
really going to wag. I can take care of Peter, but if I hear Delilah is
upset about the gossip, I'm going to go right up to her, and you're not
going to stop me. She needs someone to tell her how grateful she ought to
be that she married an angel."